As a mom, I’m full of words of wisdom. But sometimes even I don’t like to hear them.
“It’s time to brush your teeth.” I planted two fists on my hips and faced my six-year-old daughter. She lounged at the kitchen table gluing pink sequins into her Hello Kitty scrapbook. “This is the third time I’ve told you to put away your craft. Brush your teeth now, or we’ll be late for school.”
“Okaaaaaaay.” Sloth-like, she slid her bottom from the chair and sauntered to the bathroom. I scrambled to finish packing lunch, zipped little sister’s fleece, then stood by the door, waiting. My kindergartener reappeared with her jacket on and her backpack slung over her arm.
“Ready to go, Mom!”
My eyes zoomed to her feet. “Where are your shoes?”
“Oops! I forgot!” She padded back down the hall and returned with a pair of sneakers.
“We’re running late now.” I watched the clock tick while she looped rabbit ears at a tortoise pace. “This is really becoming a problem in our house, my love. From now on you’re not allowed to play with your scrapbook or anything else until you’re ready for school—and that means teeth brushed and shoes on.”
“But Mooooom! I want to work on my scrapbook! It’s more fun than getting ready for school!”
A deep sigh rose from my gut, and I replied without thinking. “Sweetheart, sometimes growing up means doing what you’re supposed to do, not what you want to do.”
Whoa. As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I regretted them. Not because they’re false. They’re not. They’re true.
But I’m not sure I want my kids to know yet.
Growing up isn’t always fun.
And it never ends. I’m still growing up. Aren’t you?
For me, relinquishing my “wants” has been the greatest ongoing challenge of motherhood. Call it sacrifice, obedience, or dying to self—the gist is that raising kids requires a lot of “supposed to” duties and fewer “want to” freedoms than I’d known before becoming a mom.
I love my kids. And I love my quiet. The two don’t coexist well.
I love rowdy family game nights. And I love private time with my husband. I get a lot of one and not much of the other.
I love being needed at home. And I love going where I want, when I want, whether it’s to a coffee shop or Home Depot or the bathroom, for goodness sake. But mom duty lassoes free rein.
So some days I trip through life in my stocking feet, whining. “But God, I want to work on my scrapbooks. It’s more fun than packing lunches and carpooling!”
“Then he said to them all: ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me,’” (Luke 9:23).
My selfish heart needs to believe this: Denying myself is a good thing. Because learning to sacrifice and obey—to give up some “wants” in exchange for some “shoulds”—is ultimately the practice of becoming more like Jesus. And, last I checked, that was still a primary goal of the Christian life, yes?
I’ll tell you what the goal should NOT be. It’s not to bide my time until the kids are grown. As if I’m just dropping anchor until my girls are tucked away in college and I can become selfish again. I want to sail into my empty nest years a better person, wiser for the journey. Don’t you?
The right “shoulds” will help us get there. I teach this to my kids. I need to let God teach it to me, too.
“Mom, can I work on my scrapbook when I get home?” My daughter stepped into her car seat while I buckled her sister for the ride to school.
“Yes. That will be your reward for working hard at school today.”
And what’s my reward? For working hard at home today, tending to the job God gave me. I settled into the driver’s seat and caught a glimpse of two little girls in the rearview mirror. My heart swelled at the sight of those beautiful faces. There it is, Momma. There’s your reward.
Funny thing about “shoulds” versus “wants.” When we lean in close enough, they look a lot alike.
If this post encouraged you, please pass it on. You might also like When You Wake Up With a Foot in Your Face, If You Give a Mom a Minute, and When Sick Kids Cramp My Social Life.
Linking up with: The Better Mom, Playdates With God, The Mom Initiative, Titus 2sdays, Grace at Home, Wedded Wednesday, Women Living Well and Things I Can’t Say.
Being a mom is such a challenging and rewarding job! Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
I try to focus on the “rewarding” part as much as I can!
I’ve been grappling with this very same thing a lot lately, Becky. And as you’ve said, “when you lean in close they look a lot alike.” I think that’s because there is freedom in choosing to obey. I’m so glad you’re obeying God’s call to raise those children and tell about all that God teaches you through them here. And then we all receive a blessing by your faithfulness, my friend.
You, too, Beth? You’ll have to teach me how to navigate the teen years. Or by the time I get there, will you be vacationing on a fruity beverage island somewhere? 🙂
Haha! The way our retirement account looks, we will be working our little tails off and not sipping on any fruity beverages anytime soon! But you made me chuckle! Thanks for your kind words. The wisdom of God that you’re tapping into now is already preparing you for those teen years. You’re going to be a great teen mother, Becky!
This is such a beautiful post! I love your insight.
I so relate to the tension you describe between the shoulds and wants of motherhood. I struggle with my need for personal space and quiet time too.
I read the parallel verse in Mark to Luke 9:23 this morning in my quiet time. I think God might be reminding me about sacrifice today!
Linked here from The Wellspring. Blessings.
Thanks for reading, Mel! Don’t you love it when God repeats a lesson to make sure we were listening.
{Melinda} This message has so been on my heart … self-denial in motherhood. That doesn’t mean we’re martyrs. No, we’ve CHOSEN to bring these sweet, precious lives into the world and there is a huge responsibility that comes with it. Which means that often we have to deny ourselves to meet their needs. To put our dreams “on hold” at times to do what’s best for them. God is faithful. As we follow His leading, He’ll show us where and when to sacrifice and when to take care of ourselves. He has done it for me! Pinning this post!
Martyrs, no. You’re right – it’s a fine line in attitude, isn’t it? Thanks so much for pinning!
mmm … don’t you LOVE it when we learn lessons from our kids {or better yet, grandkids?!}
smiling …
Linda
I learn my best lessons that way, Linda! I think it’s part of God’s design. 🙂
Beautifully written and oh so true! 🙂 Makes me want to rush home from work to hug my boy. Thank you for sharing your rewards.
Thank you, Maureen! I often have those moments, too, of suddenly realizing my blessings and wanting to squeeze my precious kids. Even if I’d just been hollering at them two minutes earlier!
Such a well timed word for a mama who woke grumbling about the empty fridge, the huge grocery list, and the piled high laundry. Thanks for the reminder that today is a great day to die to self! And find Him right where I end! And, by the way, if you ever show up on my doorstep, I’ll do a happy dance, invite you and that messy preschooler in, and brew the coffee! (Thanks for your sweet words at the Overflow this week)
Praise the Lord for that, Alicia – we find Him right where we end. And all around. Before and behind. And above and below. Yikes, how I need the Lord! 🙂 Keep some hazelnut creamer on hand and I’ll look forward to that Overflowing cup of your home brew!
Oh I love this so much. I think that way every time I utter a phrase like that – a phrase I’ve come to understand as a truth of adulthood but one I don’t want my children to understand yet. Yes, I want to be better when my nest empties.
They tell us our nest will empty faster than we think, Tricia. Can that possibly be true when we’re still balancing babies on our hips? I’m afraid so. Glad you’re writing about it while you’re living it.
What a wonderful post! I needed to read this today.
Thank you for stopping by!
Hmmm…some profound truths here.
Thanks for reading, Tomekha.
So powerful.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the “have tos” that I treat my kids like they are inconveniences. And then I realize all that I’m doing is most likely for them anyway, so I need to reconsider my priorities and especially my tone.
Yes, yes, and yes. Well said.
It’s interesting–some moms find their most challenging times in those early years, when kids are so very dependent upon them physically. And some moms are particularly challenged by the later years, when kids are self-sufficient in many physical ways but so needy in other ways. I think the truth is that every stage is hard, but every stage is rewarding. Every worthwhile pursuit requires self-sacrifice. Good thing we have the world’s best teacher to show us what joyful self-sacrifice looks like, isn’t it?