Becky Kopitzke

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Why I Date My Husband

January 23, 2012

“My lover spoke and said to me, ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me,’” (Song of Songs 2:10).

She reached for my hand, giggling, eyes wide and sparkling with mischief. “Come on, Mom, we have a surprise for you.”

I followed downstairs to the spare bedroom. A dusty VCR sat on the floor, hooked to our ancient tube television.

“Are you ready?” my husband grinned. I settled on the edge of the bed, a toddler in my lap, big sister bursting with excitement as she knelt beside Daddy on the carpet. Pop! The black screen sprang to colorful life, piano keys trickling in the background. I recognized a white satin princess, a raven-haired prince.

Our wedding video.

I thought we lost it. Through a couple moves and a basement flood, that priceless memento got neglected in the shuffle, until neither of us remembered where or when we’d seen it last. In honor of our tenth anniversary, my husband and our four-year-old daughter scoured the house until they found the videotape buried in a box. This was my anniversary gift.

Tears ran down my cheeks as I soaked in every frame of our wedding memories. The white roses, the vows, the dress my mother made.

“Do you like it, Momma?” our eldest asked.

“I love it, sweetheart. I love it. This is the best surprise ever.”

Then something strange happened. My daughter’s beaming smile melted into trembling lips. She climbed onto the bed next to me and bawled into my shoulder.

“My goodness, what’s wrong? Did something upset you? Are you sad?” Her dad and I exchanged confused sign language, baffled by this polar reaction. She was so excited to see the video! What went bad?

“No, Mom, I’m not sad,” she choked through raw wails. “I’m crying because I’m happy!”

That’s when I realized—I need to keep dating my husband.

Date night is not our greatest strength. The lag between our last two sans children dinner outings was seven months—pathetic, I know. Excuses are easy when we’re busy raising small kids. We’re tired, babysitters cost more than the restaurant bill, my babies want me to tuck them in—they’ll miss me. They need me.

No they don’t. Not on date night. Not as much as they need two parents united, strong, in love. They need to see Mom fluttery with anticipation of time alone with Dad, to see Dad clasp Mom’s fingers while he leads her out the door, blowing kisses to two little girls already immersed in the babysitter’s nail polish collection.

They need to know Mom and Dad are here for them, because we’re here for each other first.

It’s risky to convince ourselves we’re fine without regular dates—without time set aside to nurture our relationship, to rekindle the spark, to remember why I chose this person, why I love being with this person more than anybody else in the world.

Because we can get so absorbed in the routines and responsibilities—the teaching, cooking, cleaning, running, child-centric activities of each day—that we forget to make eye contact when we talk to one another. Then we forget to ask what’s on your mind or what are your dreams, until one day we wake up pondering dangerous questions like who are you and what happened to the person I once pursued with all my heart?

I’d like to think we wouldn’t let our marriage suffer. But nobody ever sets out intending to drift, do they? So how does it happen? Dates can’t hurt. They can only help.

When I witnessed our daughter’s sweet, unfiltered reaction to a video of her parents giddy in love, I caught a glimpse of my marriage through her eyes. And I finally understood. Date night isn’t just for my husband and me. Our children need it as much as we do.

So we made a plan. Hubby and I committed to one night out per month for the next year—a great start and a huge improvement for us—and we wrote the dates on our calendars to prevent letting them slide. Our January kick-off was a tenth anniversary celebration. I sat across the bistro table from my handsome groom, and when I told him I loved him, I looked straight into his eyes and meant it to new depths.

Praise God we found that wedding video. We won’t make the mistake of losing it again. More importantly, we won’t lose track of each other. If our kids want to see Mom and Dad crazy in love, they need not turn on the VCR. We’re going to show them in real life.

If this post encouraged you, please feel free to pass it on! You might also like A Father’s Wisdom, Love Is Not Easily Angered, and The Witch. I Hate Her.

* * * * * * * *

Linking up with The Alabaster Jar: Marital Oneness Mondays and To Love, Honor and Vacuum: Wifey Wednesdays

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Filed Under: Commitment, Love Is..., Marriage, Parenting, Raising Young Kids, Sentimental, Things I Learn from My Kids

Comments

  1. Becky says

    January 23, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Wow! That’s so true! We have struggled in this area in the past, thankfully we have my mother-in-law nearby who loves to spend time with our children. We’ve managed to get out on a weekly basis lately- and that’s been really awesome for our marriage. Thanks for reminding me of the right perspective.

    Visiting from The Better Mom! 🙂

  2. Becky says

    January 23, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Thanks for visiting, Becky! I’m so glad to have found the Better Mom community. Weekly dates – yay! Enjoy!

  3. jeanne @ Inspiring Ideas says

    January 23, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    Hi! Just added your button to my blog! And the link works! Fun!!

    • Becky says

      January 24, 2012 at 2:24 am

      Yay! Thanks, Jeanne! I’ll add yours here, too.

  4. MPW says

    January 23, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    Becky, I was blessed beyond measure by this post. BEYOND measure…that’s all I can say. Keep dating your husband and being a beautiful display of Christ’s love for us and what marriage was meant to be for your children.

    • Becky says

      January 24, 2012 at 2:25 am

      Thank you, Monica! You bless me by reading and keeping in touch!

  5. Linda Wichman says

    January 24, 2012 at 1:21 am

    Becky, wow!! After 40 years of marriage to the same knight in tarnished armor–your blog hit home!Showing our kids the beauty of a Godly romance is vital to the health of their future relationships. Courtship doesn’t end because of a wedding ring,’It begins the beginning…’ Great, now I’m quoting Johnny Mathis lyrics. PS:I’m sending your post to my daughter.

    • Becky says

      January 24, 2012 at 2:28 am

      Tarnished armor – I love it! Thank you for this affirmation from a Godly mom that I admire. Johnny Mathis lyrics and all.

  6. Connie says

    January 25, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Love it. If you need a sitter, I know a real sweet one who has quite the nail polish collection. Let us know. And she shouldn’t cost you more than your dinner either.
    Blessings,
    Connie

  7. Erica {let why lead} says

    February 9, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Thank you! I can’t honestly remember our last night out. I suppose it’s been more than six months. We were trying it for a while, but we found that on Saturday nights after getting the boys to bed, it felt like a LOT of effort to get dolled up a bit and head out, rather than just watching an episode of something on the couch. haha

    But I love what you said about how even if our kids miss us when we’re gone (and I do feel a bit guilty when we leave while they’re awake), they need united parents more. Spot on.

  8. Jolene Engle says

    July 16, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Becky, I just love your conviction to protect your marriage and emulate the importance of it to your children. This is a wonderful fit for Martial Oneness Mondays. It’s exactly what I’m looking for! So blessed that you’ve linked it up!

  9. L says

    July 17, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    This is beautiful! You have encouraged me to really make this a priority in my life. My hubby and I are only newlyweds but I could see how this could start to happen. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability.
    Much Love,
    L

    allglorious-within.blogspot.com

  10. Jaimie says

    July 18, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Thank you for this encouragement! My husband and I have been married for just over a year and don’t have children yet, but I keep reading/hearing about how important it is to keep my husband a higher priority than my children. Even now it’s sometimes hard to get in a monthly date night! Thanks for the reminder!!

  11. Kate says

    August 1, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I admit with a slightly resentful harumph that we do not have date nights. I do need the recharge with hubby, but he hates leaving the kids and would rather just fall asleep to a movie in the background. He’s away from home a lot, so I get that he wants to be home, but I am home ALL. THE. TIME. And I would LOVE to get out with him once in a while. I want to scream every time a Facebook friend posts “Date Night!” On her wall.

  12. Kate says

    August 1, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I admit with a slightly resentful harumph that we do not have date nights. I do need the recharge with hubby, but he hates leaving the kids and would rather just fall asleep to a movie in the background. He’s away from home a lot, so I get that he wants to be home, but I am home ALL. THE. TIME. And I would LOVE to get out with him once in a while. I want to scream every time a Facebook friend posts “Date Night!” On her wall.

  13. Kate says

    August 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I admit with a slightly resentful harumph that we do not have date nights. I do need the recharge with hubby, but he hates leaving the kids and would rather just fall asleep to a movie in the background. He’s away from home a lot, so I get that he wants to be home, but I am home ALL. THE. TIME. And I would LOVE to get out with him once in a while. I want to scream every time a Facebook friend posts “Date Night!” On her wall.

  14. Kate says

    August 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I admit with a slightly resentful harumph that we do not have date nights. I do need the recharge with hubby, but he hates leaving the kids and would rather just fall asleep to a movie in the background. He’s away from home a lot, so I get that he wants to be home, but I am home ALL. THE. TIME. And I would LOVE to get out with him once in a while. I want to scream every time a Facebook friend posts “Date Night!” On her wall.

  15. Kate says

    August 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I admit with a slightly resentful harumph that we do not have date nights. I do need the recharge with hubby, but he hates leaving the kids and would rather just fall asleep to a movie in the background. He’s away from home a lot, so I get that he wants to be home, but I am home ALL. THE. TIME. And I would LOVE to get out with him once in a while. I want to scream every time a Facebook friend posts “Date Night!” On her wall.

  16. Kate says

    August 1, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I admit with a slightly resentful harumph that we do not have date nights. I do need the recharge with hubby, but he hates leaving the kids and would rather just fall asleep to a movie in the background. He’s away from home a lot, so I get that he wants to be home, but I am home ALL. THE. TIME. And I would LOVE to get out with him once in a while. I want to scream every time a Facebook friend posts “Date Night!” On her wall.

Trackbacks

  1. Am I Invisible Here or What? | When the kids don't listen. says:
    February 4, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    […] What about the times when your kids do listen? When they hear you say I love you and you’re special and God made you smart. When they clutch your hand or hug your knees or reach for a goodbye kiss before school? What about those moments when the whole family makes a pajama run for ice cream or dances in the living room and you laugh together until your smile muscles ache? Or the tears you wipe from a tired child’s eyes, the prayers you plead over their bedsides, the hard conversations you enter willingly with your husband because you know that growing great kids means keeping the two of you strong first. […]

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Meet Becky.

If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

We need each other. I'm so glad you're here.

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