Becky Kopitzke

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When You Want What They Have

June 18, 2012

“Mom, I wish we lived in that house.” Perched inside her play set lookout tower, my daughter cast wistful glances toward the neighbor’s yard a few houses north.

“Why? I thought you liked our house.”

“Well, they have a pool and a picnic table.”

Ah. I see.

“But they don’t have a sandbox. Or swings. Or all of your favorite toys inside,” I reasoned. “Just because they have a pool doesn’t mean that house is better. We belong here, in our house.”

Wise counsel, O Super Mom. Maybe you should take it yourself.

How many times have I wished for someone else’s stuff? Their granite countertops, their three-car garage, his talent, her silky hair.

You know what happens then, don’t you? Envy pollutes the senses. I start thinking my stuff isn’t good enough. As if God doesn’t know what I need. Or worse, he’s holding out on me.

Now that is just ridiculous.

“For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly,” (Psalm 84:11, ESV, emphasis mine).

The crazy thing is, there’s probably somebody out there who’s wishing for my stuff. Meanwhile, I’m drooling over somebody else’s stuff, which belongs to somebody who would finally be happy if only they could get their hands on somebody else’s stuff—and on and on until the world is filled with ungrateful people.

It’s madness, I tell you. Why can’t we all just be happy with our own stuff?

Consider this. Nobody has it all. She might be supermodel-gorgeous on the outside, but wrestling with heartache on the inside. His impressive job title might mean he hasn’t been home to kiss the kids goodnight in weeks. The neighbors’ new car has leather seats and OnStar, sure, but they could be sweating the payments every month. Hardly anyone broadcasts the downside of their coveted stuff. If they did, who would want it?

Truthfully, I’d rather have my own problems than somebody else’s—because at least mine are familiar. If I really knew what went on in that bigger house or that supposedly perfect family, I might be relieved it belongs to them and not me. In other words, I’d choose my own stuff.

“Do you think that house has bunk beds, Mom?” My daughter pointed her telescope toward the neighbor’s pool.

“Maybe. But do you know what I’ll bet it doesn’t have?”

“What?” Her eyes grew wide.

“A super cool mom who bakes the yummiest oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in the universe. Want to go inside and make some?”

“Yeah! Let’s go!”

If only my own envy were so easily deterred. Then again, maybe it is. When I take a moment to count my blessings, I remember I already have the best family, a house filled with love if not bunk beds, and a Heavenly Father who gives me everything I need.

And you know what? So do you.

If this post encouraged you, please pass it on. You might also like The Beauty of a Naked Lion Chase, Don’t Lie to Me, and The Case of the Purple Car.

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Filed Under: Parenting, Things I Learn from My Kids, Trusting God

Comments

  1. Ashley Ditto says

    June 18, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Becky, I needed to hear this so badly today. Wow, I feel a weight lifted off. Amazing writing sister, amazing!!!!

    • Becky says

      June 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm

      Ashley, you have no idea how that blesses me. You know how sometimes we sit at our computer screens just wondering if what we’re writing matters. So I pray each week that there’s even just one person out there who will be encouraged by my rambling. Hurray for burdens lifted! God is so cool. I love the way he uses us. Many blessings to you and your girls today!

    • MB@NewLifeSteward says

      June 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm

      I wonder the same thing when I write Becky! You hit the heart of the issue with this one! The “want” will never end unless we stop to look around and be thankful for what we do have…mess and all!

      Mary Beth
      newlifesteward.com

  2. Shari says

    June 18, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    I’m visiting your blog for the first time from The Better Mom, and I’m now following. Thank you for this reminder. It’s so easy to get a case of the “I wants”, when what I have is just fine and perfect for me! You should share you cookie recipe. I have been trying to make those forever and I can’t get them just right. Have a wonderful day!

    Blessings~
    Shari

    • Becky says

      June 19, 2012 at 12:41 am

      Welcome, Shari! Thank you so much for following. I’d be happy to share my recipe. I found it in Baby Center magazine when I was pregnant with my first daughter. Here’s my slightly modified and well-loved version:

      Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
      1 cup margarine (I use a butter/margarine blend)
      1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
      1/2 cup granulated sugar
      2 eggs
      1 tsp vanilla
      3/4 cup all-purpose flour
      3/4 cup whole wheat flour
      1 tsp baking soda
      1 tsp cinnamon
      1/2 tsp salt
      3 cups oats
      1 cup chocolate chips
      1 cup Craisins or raisins (optional; sometimes I leave these out and add some extra chocolate chips)

      Beat margarine and sugars until fluffy; add eggs and vanilla. Combine next five ingredients; add to sugar mixture and beat well. Stir in oats, then chocolate chips and Craisins/raisins. Drop by rounded spoonful onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 10 to 14 minutes. Or, my preference, these bake really well as bars in a greased jelly roll pan. Bake at 350 for 18 to 20 minutes. Enjoy!

  3. MPW says

    June 18, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    You and I have “chatted” before about that mean monster the comparison trap. Looking at what others have or do or how they do what they do and wishing you could have, do, or do HOW they do as well. Each time we do any version of this we’re saying to the Lord that He made some kind of mistake and gave us the wrong life. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve been guilty, and I see it starts at a young age doesn’t it? 🙂 Great thing your girls have a wise mommy to fill them with truth and good cookies too!

    • Becky says

      June 19, 2012 at 1:06 am

      I was surprised at how young it starts, yes, Monica. In fact I was slightly alarmed at this little conversation in the play set clubhouse, and it brought me to examine myself for sure. I am so grateful God does NOT make mistakes. Even though, like you said, sometimes I act as if that’s not true. I’m still so far from perfect – which is why I need a God who is, and always will be.

      I love to hear from you here!

  4. JES says

    June 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Words of wisdom indeed! Contentment is peace!

    I am visiting from the DOMESTICALLY DIVINE LINK UP…

    This was a nice read to start my day, thank you.

  5. Ryan and Carly says

    June 19, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Great post Becky! Love that you spur your daughter on towards God and contentment with all that she has. What a great mama!

    Carly @ ryandcar.blogspot.com

  6. Crystal @ Serving Joyfully says

    June 19, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Godliness with contentment is great gain…I try to remind myself daily that contentment is the goal and not possessions. It’s tough though, especially depending on your friends and circles. BLessings to you and your family! It sounds like you handled the situation well to remind her to look at the things she has and enjoys rather than what she might be missing.

  7. Beth says

    June 20, 2012 at 3:02 am

    I love your encouragement here, Becky! You speak wisdom to a problem that is so pervasive and addicting. I’m trying daily to take my envious thoughts captive because it is such a slippery slope for me. You’re giving me the encouragement to try harder. Thanks!

  8. Karen says

    June 20, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    What a wonderful post – I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for writing it 🙂

  9. Sarah Brooks says

    June 20, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    Fabulous read! I so loved your answer for your daughter… about the cookies. I tend to “jump my children’s cases” for coveting and harshly remind them to be grateful. (likely so I can get back to daydreaming about my dream home). It is so easy to show children the joy and blessings that surround them. I should take better advantage of that. Thanks for the post!

  10. Janet says

    June 21, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Love this, and have shared on my FB wall. Such a great reminder, thanks! Bless you 🙂

    • Becky says

      June 21, 2012 at 12:39 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing, Janet! That makes me smile. I hope your friends are encouraged!

  11. Becky says

    June 21, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Thanks to all who’ve been reading – your comments encourage me, and I hope Time Out encourages you as well!

  12. Audrey-eleganteconomies.blogspot.com says

    June 21, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Wonderfully true…counting our blessings pulls our eyes away from looking at what we don’t have and brings focus on what we DO have. Well said♥

  13. susan@avintagefarmwife says

    June 22, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    How ironic! This was the point of the scriptures in James during my quiet time this morning. We sometimes act like God is holding out on us and not giving us good things, when just the opposite is true. “Every good and perfect gift comes from our father above.” May we keep our eyes and hearts open to that!

  14. Sweet Blessings says

    June 22, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Loved this. Now I know what to tell my son when he starts saying he wishes he had this or that. I have been trying to tell myself when I see those beautiful homes with the fancy cars in the drive that both parents probably have to work and I would hate to know what their monthly bills are. Love what you said about that you would rather have your same old problems than the ones you are envying. Thank you!

  15. Kathy Olson says

    June 24, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    That was beautifully spoken!

  16. Hands to Work, Hearts to God says

    June 28, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Great post! I used to have canker sores in my mouth and couldn’t talk, eat or sing. Now I am sooo grateful for everything and realize how RICH I am, knowing so many would pay a lot to be able to see, to walk, to not have to have dialysis every week, etc. Our enemy is always looking for ways to deceive us and tear down our joy. We should not let him!!! Patsy from
    HeARTworks

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If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

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