Becky Kopitzke

Devotions for Moms

When Hubby Leaves His Socks on the Floor

I discovered a remedy for all my husband’s annoying habits.

I stop thinking about them.

when husband leaves his socks on the floor

Like when he yanks open the microwave door two seconds before the timer beeps. Then later when I glace at the clock expecting to see something reasonable like 7:48, it flashes :02! :02! :02!—which tells me nothing except that there’s a man in the house who wants to vex me.

Or when he walks three paces ahead of me in the grocery store, as if we’re not involved in reading cereal labels and price-matching peanut butter together. Then once my arms are piled with jars and boxes, Mr. Speed Shopper is already in the next aisle—with the cart.

And of course there’s his classic habit of leaving dirty socks on our bedroom floor instead of tossing them down the laundry chute. So laundry day comes and goes and he asks, “Did you wash my socks?” to which I raise my eyebrows and reply, “What socks?” And then we’re in a laundry standoff because he knows what I’m talking about.

This stuff drives me nuts. I could spend all day stewing over it.

But I don’t.

“. . . Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things,” (Philippians 4:8).

A few years ago, one of my dear mentor moms taught me a trick. I call it the “quick switch.” Whenever her husband did something to irritate her, she immediately switched her complaint to an affirming thought. Yes, he left his ice cream bowl in the sink again, but. . .

He is loyal.
He’s a good provider.
He loves his kids.

My mentor spent a season of her marriage praying that the Holy Spirit would make this quick-switch method second nature. That any time a negative thought about her husband popped into her head, God would immediately replace it with a list of positives. And it worked—for both of us.

Now when I’m tempted to grumble over those bedside socks, I grin.

Because my husband is faithful.
He is honest.
He’s a hero to our kids.

And when he speeds ahead of me in the freezer section, I shrug.

My husband loves me deeply.
He makes me laugh.
He knows how to replace a headlight.

And when I check the microwave clock at bedtime and catch that flashing :02!, I just punch the CLEAR button and focus on what matters.

My husband cooks.
He works hard to make our life comfortable.
He is a gift to our family from God.

So I will not allow little annoyances to erode our relationship and overshadow what matters most. If my husband were gone tomorrow, heaven forbid, I’d miss those socks in the corner. I know I would.

Besides, let’s be real—I irk my husband, too. Like when I say I’ll be ready in 15 minutes, but really that means 45 because I change outfits three times and restock my purse with fruit snacks and baby wipes.

Or when I leave the refrigerator door open and the bathroom light on. Apparently this is quite distressing to an energy conservationist—{sorry, honey}.

Or those nights when I stay up late writing blog posts, then tiptoe into a dark bedroom, knock over a lamp and wake my hubby from a sound sleep. (Yes, this has happened more than once.) So he heaves a sigh and lies awake, unable to fall asleep again for two hours—which, in my estimation, is a good chunk of quality time to fixate on how fabulous I am despite my flaws.

So you see? Marriage is the place where two imperfect people learn to love each other the way Jesus loves us—unconditionally, soaked in forgiveness, and full of crazy grace. Which means those socks on the floor aren’t really a bother.

They’re a blessing.

xoxo
Becky

 

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Comments

  1. Thanks for this. This is an area I have been struggling with lately. With a newborn at home and a husband who enjoys staying up late to play online games with his friends and then sleeping late in the mornings (he works from home and makes his own hours), I’ve been having a hard time finding the positives about my dear hubby. You have reminded me not to forget the power of prayer. Any other tips for this new mom?
    Blessings,
    Courtney

    • Oh Courtney, you are not alone. The early months are hard, and they can weigh on a marriage as two people learn to be parents together. I’d be happy to connect with you to share some more thoughts. Would you like to send me your e-mail address? Give yourself grace, dear momma!

  2. Haha, we can all only hope that our husbands lie awake at night fixating on how fabulous we are despite our flaws. 🙂 And my favorite of your quick switch thoughts? He can change a headlight. Sometimes those little things are the best. 🙂

    My cousin (a marriage therapist) guest posted on my blog about positive sentiment override, which is basically the same idea as this. It is training your mind to go to to the positive about your spouse. Thank you for the reminder, and I love the simple name you have for it—the quick switch. I’m going to keep practicing.

    • You and me both, Erica. I have lots of opportunities to practice! And so does my dear husband, poor guy. 🙂

  3. Becky, I love this post. When you start off in marriage – and even when things aren’t going so well – it is so easy to focus on the bad. But that just makes EVERYTHING look bad, and it is not. Thanks for posting this so everyone can put things in perspective. Kim

    • So true, Kim. Focusing on the bad, even when it’s the lesser portion, does color everything else negative. I want to be a glass-half-full kind of gal. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

  4. Yes, yes! I learned that secret a while back but before that time, feasting on my husband’s faults was a daily ritual! Ugh! And it’s amazing what perspective, empathy and gratefulness it brings when we shift our focus to the good in our spouses. And here’s another one I used – just yesterday I had to take down a bowl that my husband had left in our bedroom. Then the next day he mentioned that I had left the bathroom light on (he wasn’t really complaining, just stating what he’d observed). But I thought back on that bowl and instead of feeling “justified” for my neglect with the light, I felt grateful that we both have areas to grow in. Neither one of us is perfect and that gives us this great opportunity to grow and stretch in loving and accepting each other. Yes, as always, you write along a line that is relevant and meaningful in my life, Becky. Hugs to you!

    • Ooo, I like that, Beth – grateful that we both have areas to grow in. That’s excellent. Thank you for yet another handy perspective! Now if only my husband would show a little support as I grow in the ability to close the refrigerator door. He could be proud of me instead of exasperated. 🙂 Hugs to you, too, my friend!

  5. Thank you so much for this!! I’m sure I have even more bad habits than my husband does, but he doesn’t seem to quite as annoyed as I do! I love the idea of changing our mind…our perspective on the situation… my husband has so many more great characteristics than ones than annoy me! 🙂

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Becky. Every time I read one of your posts, I come away encouraged and inspired to grow closer to God. Thank you!

    • You have no idea how much those words mean to me, Kelsey, thank you. That’s my objective – to encourage women to grow closer to God in our everyday joys and challenges. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!

  6. I have struggled with this many times over the last 14 years of our marriage, because my hubby is super messy and it makes me crazy! I am definitely going to try the quick switch method 🙂

    • At least he won’t hold you to unreasonable standards of cleanliness… 🙂 Many blessings to you, Stacey! I hope the quick switch works wonders!

  10. (grin) Your husband’s little habits sound remarkably like my own :). I’ve dealt with it in various ways over the years, but inevitably, I’ve always arrived where you are here: there is so much more good that it just makes life better to focus on that. Good stuff, Becky 🙂

  11. I couldn’t agree more – there is more than little annoyances to life and there is so much amazement in my husband to focus on. That doesn’t mean I don’t ask him to throw his socks in the laundry when I find them on the floor 😉

  14. Oh – those socks! They compete for space with the dust bunnies! What wise advise your mentor gave you – to focus on the good,the lovely – what drew you to him, too, in the first place:) What’s a little (or a lot) of sock on the floor when there’s huge love in the heart!

  15. I actually kiss his socks when I pick them up, and say out loud how much I love him. It may seem silly, but it has worked wonders in my heart. Now I actually smile when I see them on the ground.

    Thanks bunches for splashing with us and linking up. Every Monday, I post on Momma Notes. And as always, it is a joy to have you join us. Just moms. Sharing our notes. Creating a melody.

    http://justsarahdawn.blogspot.com/2013/05/momma-notes.html

  16. I had to keep reading after the previous post I just read about the ball in your garage and am seriously contemplating if we are married to the same person! Ha! As I mentioned, my husband and I have only been married three weeks and reading blogs like this are so inspiring on how to treat each other with kindness and respect and see the good in each other even when something annoys us about the other one. Our Pastor always says when you marry someone it’s not about marrying the person you want them to be, it’s marrying the person that they are.

  18. I love this post so much! I spent the first two years of my marriage in perpetual stress over my husbands annoying habits (including socks on the floor) thinking I could ‘train him’ if I was persistent over time. One day I had the sudden realization that my two options were to be constantly annoyed with him over silly trivial things or to simply simply smile and pick up those dirty socks and be happy to have him in my life. That little change has made such a difference in our marriage. Thanks for the reminder!

    • What a great testimony, Jessica. It’s so true – a small switch in perspective makes a huge difference. Blessings!

  19. Found this scrolling through your Pinterest board. I needed this really bad. I struggle with this stuff all the time. Just when I think I am getting better at it, I find myself getting upset over something that doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of life. Thanks for sharing this.

  20. I love the comedy in this article! I’ll have to switching to positive thinking when my husband leaves his clothes laying next to the hamper. Good advice 🙂

  21. My dear friend lost her husband in a tragic ariplane crash, and whenever I am tempted to complain about my husband’s socks on the floor or toothpaste in the sink or 02 on the microwave, I remind myself “at least I HAVE a husband who isn’t dead, who is alive and loves me and is faithful and providing for us! The LEAST I can do, is pick up his socks, wash the sink and press clear. And be thankful that I even HAVE him!”
    None of us are promised tomorrow, as my dear friend so painfully knows, so whenever I’m irked, I think of her, with NO husband to pick up socks after or be annoyed so lovingly at. And it puts things back into perspective for me.
    Her husband’s death has taught ME so so so much about loving my own husband while I have him and serving him with a Jesus Heart while I get to!! <3
    God bless you and every person reading this comment, may you feel Jesus love deep in your bones and in your marrow….

    Until Heaven!

    • Amen, Stephanie – God bless you and your dear friend. I also have a good friend who lost her husband, and it did have a profound effect on our marriage as well. Love on those husbands, ladies! To God’s glory.

  22. This is great. Goes along with what I’ll be working on for the rest of my life: Created to be his help meet by Debi Pearl along with the journal. I love all the word studies included in the journal. I found you through Always Learning by Lori Alexander here on Pinterest.

  23. Thank you so much for your perspectives, guidance, and inspiration. It is nice to know that others feel that same as i and how to go about finding peace in the chaos.

  24. I’m both laughing and crying reading this because apparently our husbands have the same bad habits… but so do you and I! This is wonderful advice, because my husband really is so much more to me than his dirty socks RIGHT NEXT TO THE HAMPER. 😉

    • Bwahahaha! My five-year-old makes a game out of it now. She loves to pick up Daddy’s socks and throw them down the laundry chute. 🙂 Thanks for the smile today, Brita!

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