I’m standing at a microphone with white lights beating on my face. Exposed and vulnerable, I scan the rows of people staring in anticipation. Piano keys signal my cue. I swallow, flash a smile, and open my mouth to sing.
No sound comes out.
Crazy bad dream, right? It’s like the one where I show up for the first day of high school and realize I forgot my class schedule, so I wander the halls in panic.
Except this wasn’t a dream. It really happened—last Sunday.
Stage fright was not the problem. I’ve been singing on my church worship team for nearly a decade, which makes me an old-timer. I know how to do this. It’s who I am.
But apparently my throat disagreed. I had a minor cold, no big deal. For three morning services, the melodies still squeaked through. When I returned for the evening service, I assumed round four would be no different. I was wrong.
Seems my vocal cords swelled up during the afternoon, rebelling against their morning exercise. I took my station in front of the 5 o’clock congregation and wham!—blindsided by laryngitis. So I glued that smile to my face and lip synced like a pro.
Thank God I didn’t have a solo.
Have you ever lost something familiar? Something you relied on, or got so used to having, you just assumed it would always be there—your health, income, a relationship, the promise of a good night’s sleep. My something right now is my voice.
It’s been a rough year for singing. I’ve been sick a lot—unusually dragged down by sore throats and coughing fits. Vocal cords don’t like coughing fits. Laryngitis stripped my pride many a Sunday.
So I have to wonder. Is God trying to get my attention? What do we do when God takes away a piece of us?
I stumbled through some options. {Hint: Only one of them works in the long-run.}
1. Fight. I tried forcing a note. Nothing. I hummed under my breath, but still nothing. Fighting only confirmed the loss.
2. Fake it. Pretend everything is fine. Yep, better than Milli Vanilli in their glory days.
3. Feel ashamed. Our poor sound man slapped earphones on his head and pushed button after button, scrambling to figure out why my microphone was malfunctioning. When I caught his eye, I made a discreet throat-slit motion across my neck and mouthed the words, “Nothing. I’m sorry.”
4. Mourn. If Sunday had been an isolated incident, I might’ve laughed. But it was the final straw on a heap of weak singing days. So I drove home in tears.
5. Pray. This is where I’m choosing to land. Because ultimately, God does not want me to rely on my voice. He wants me to rely on him.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong,” (2 Corinthians 12:9–10).
What is your something? Will you be brave and let it go? I don’t know where God is taking me on this chronic laryngitis ride, but I can no longer deny he is moving me. So I’m going to humble myself and trust him.
You can, too. Let’s do it together.
Milli Vanilli was a duo, after all.
If this post encouraged you, please pass it on. You might also like On Dreams, Contentment, and Spaghetti, It Hurts Because I Love You, and Life Is a Highway.
Linking up with: The Better Mom, Playdates With God, Titus 2sdays, Domestically Divine Tuesday, Living Well Wednesdays, Grace at Home, Things I Can’t Say, and Thought Provoking Thursday.
Thank you for sharing such a thought-provoking post. I’ve been where you are. I have said in faith, “Tho He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.” And he’s never, ever, let me down. Three years ago my husband accepted a youth minister’s position that moved me away from a beloved season of teaching. In sadness, I surrendered what I absolutely loved doing for God. In time, He channeled my love for teaching into a ministry of written encouragement, and my blog, Be Not Weary, was born as well as a devotional book for homeschooling moms. When God closed one door of ministry, He opened another delightful one. I’m so glad I surrendered, and I know you will be too. Lori ~ visiting from http://www.lorihatcher.com.
Thank you for your encouragement, Lori. I’ve been reading through the Old Testament, start to finish. The day after my little singing incident, it’s no coincidence I flipped the page from Esther to Job. God has a sense of humor.
We just never know what God has in store for us behind Door #2, or #3, or beyond. But there is always more. We just have to trust enough to let go, which can be so hard when we are full of pride and worry and fear and independence. 🙁
Have you seen Jeff Goins new book, “Wrecked-When a Broken World Slams into Your Comfortable Life”? I have been thinking a lot about this very topic lately, that when we are slammed to the floor in small and big ways, what there is to glean from that new perspective.
So sorry you’ve been sick, and I pray for wellness and to be encouraged by what you learn from this season.
Letting go of what we once had is the hardest, Becky! I will pray that your health and voice returns soon. But in the meantime, I take comfort in the words you challenge us all to follow … (because we all are facing challenges and losses every single day) but we have a great God who gives us grace in our weakness! Thanks for your wise words!
What a strong woman you are! To even get up infront of people is so brave! Don’t worry. I pray for you Becky, I hope you get to feeling better!
I’ve had back-to-back cruddy summer colds here as well, Becky, which is always humbling. I can’t be super-mom when I’m sick! Maybe, God’s trying to say he doesn’t want me to be super-mom, but instead rely on Him.
Feel better! I bet you have a beautiful voice – pouring out God’s love!
Prayer is the best place to land:). I hear this, my friend. Praying with you.
I love how you laid out your options … sometimes seeing what we can choose to do in black and white makes the best choice jump right out at us!
Healing blessings …
Very thoughtful post. Sometimes our trials are confusing and we can’t easily figure out the purpose or solution outside of simply trusting. Thanks for sharing. And I pray that your throat will soon be well and you will go into a season of health. Bless you, Gail (BibleLoveNotes.com)
Thank you, everyone, for your kind words and prayers. I’m humbled… and feeling much better by now, I’m happy to say! Until the next round, that is. I expect God isn’t done with me in this challenge yet. But then is he ever done teaching us and moving us? Of course not, halleluia. Blessings to you all!
Sometimes out health gets the best of us. People understand that. It can be a little embarrassing at times but in the end, this is part of what makes us human. That we are not perfect and that we have to learn to deal with that. It is what spurs us on to grow and develop as people. Hope you are feeling better.
I like the “Pray” option. Sometimes, I lose my ability to write, and when I pray for the right words, they always come. Lovely post! I hope you are feeling better!
LOL @ Milli Vanilli.
Maybe this was a sign to take a bit of a break. xo
Where has the original MTV generation gone? 🙂
You’ve done a great job of delineating the options here. Honestly, it was really thought-provoking to see them lined up like that!
Bless you as you pray and wait. God has good things in store for you, I know. 🙂
Becky I so feel your pain! Being a singer myself something like that terrifies me! I have my good days and I have my bad days. But through all of it I remind myself that God just asks us to make a joyful noise. Whether that joyful noise is joyful to others…well, they’ll just to deal with my Dad if they don’t like it! 😉
Pray you’re feeling better!
Wow, I really needed this today. I’m finally catching up on last week’s to-do list, which includes a lot of ministry-related tasks I wanted to have completed before my family’s mini-vacation this week. When I finally got out to get two of the items I needed to purchase for my projects, I discovered they were on sale, big time, this week. It’s like God was saying, “I wanted to bless you in this way. Why couldn’t you be patient enough to wait for it gracefully?”
God has humbled me over this past year or so. I was upset until I realized that this is a test…this is only a test. 🙂 I had to decide to give it to the Lord. Sometimes, I foolishly take it back. When I focus on Him and not on my circumstances, all is well.