I didn’t have an answer.
There I sat, slumped in the chair at my massage therapist’s office, staring at her and trying to scramble for a response to what should’ve been a simple request. But I couldn’t think of one.
“Tell me something you did for yourself last month,” she’d said.
Uhhhh.
For myself?
In the last month?
Nothing.
Dang.
Massage therapy is one of the new safeties I’ve put in place since my latest spell of back spasms last December. It’s not indulgent, I’m realizing; it’s a necessary component in my constant quest to de-stress. Since the consensus among my doctors is that stress is the cause of my back issues, my stomach issues, my headache issues—I’ve been trying to make a genuine effort to chill my freak self. So I see Ruth Ann, a massage expert whose specialty is in retraining the nervous system to relax.
Apparently she’s got her work cut out for her with me.
Because when she asked me to identify one stinking thing I did for myself—within the entire previous month—I froze. I’m the mom; I do all the things for all the other people. Then I crash into bed at the end of the day, get eight hours of sleep on a good night {that’s something, right?}, and get up and do it all over again.
Where’s the self-care in that?
The real booger here is that I believe in self-care. I really do! I invest in quality vitamins and chiropractor visits and good haircuts. That whole concept of filling up so we can pour into other people—I’m down with it. I preach it here on the blog and in my books and from the speaking platform. Self-care is not selfish, women! It’s vital to the big picture!
But in my own life, I realized I was missing a piece of the puzzle.
I wasn’t listening to my SELF.
I was only talking at it, telling it what to do.
Eat this, don’t eat that. Go to this appointment, do these stretches, meet this deadline, feed the children and the husband and the dog.
And somewhere in the midst of all the commanding and the doing, I stifled the voice inside that was crying—help!
How do I know this? Because I heard it last week. And I paid attention this time.
It was a typical busy Sunday filled with church and laundry and loose ends to tie. But on the drive home from an errand with my family, I felt my energy plummet. It had been a long and hectic week, and I still had a list of to-do’s to tackle that afternoon. So I walked into the house intending to push through.
But then a headache crept across my temples, and I heard Ruth Ann’s voice in my head.
What are you doing for yourself?
My self? It was screaming at me.
I’M EXHAUSTED, WOMAN!!
So I did something crazy. I flopped on my bed, closed my eyes, and fell asleep.
For three hours.
What in the world?? A three-hour nap? Who does that?
But I’m telling you—I woke up feeling like a whole new woman. My headache was gone, my energy returned, and I found my husband in the kitchen making tacos for dinner, God bless him! Later that night I went to bed at my usual time and slept straight through with no tossing or turning—so I knew I must’ve needed the extra rest.
Was it a luxury? Or obedience?
Only the self can tell. And if your self is run by the Holy Spirit like mine is, then we’d be wise to listen to it more often.
“In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves.” (Psalm 127:2)
So let me ask. What is your tired telling you? Does your body need a break, not just another cup of coffee? Do you need to reconsider your pace, your agenda, your sense of purpose? Sometimes the stuff just needs to get done, yes, I understand that. Such is my life most days, too.
But on that particular Sunday, I had a choice. Plow ahead, ignoring the signs. Or listen to this body God designed for a reason, and grant it what it needs.
I don’t often make the right decision. But I’m learning to.
Will you join me?
What did you do for yourself this week? This month? This year?
Next time Ruth Ann asks the question, I’m going to tell her about my nap. And hopefully a few other things, too. Like the coffee visit I had with a friend last weekend. Or the movie I watched just because I wanted to. Or the hour I spent playing a board game with my kids or reading a book or talking with my husband instead of flipping open my laptop to chase another deadline.
The work will always be there. And we’ll do it. We’ll always do it.
But hopefully not at the expense of our bodies and souls.
My tired is telling me—take a break.
I’m worth it.
And so are you.
Blessings,
Becky
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