Becky Kopitzke

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What a Watermelon Taught Me About My Control Freak Tendencies

July 22, 2013

As my kids grow bigger, I’m learning to let them make their own choices. Even when I disagree.

Like last Saturday, for example, at the grocery store.

“Mom, can we get a watermelon? Please? Please? I love watermelon!” My six-year-old spied a crate of enormous melons in the center of the produce aisle. She clasped her hands in front of her chest and pleaded.

“Sure, we can get a watermelon,” I nodded. “If you promise me you’re going to eat it.”

“I will, I will! Can I pick one?”

“Okay.”

Now, you need to understand—I’m really picky about my fruit. Grapes must be firm, apples need green stems, bananas should be slender, and watermelons are best in smooth, sun-ripened skins.

So when my daughter reached for the ugliest, pock-marked, asymmetrical pale green watermelon in the pile, I cringed.

“You like that one?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Yeah, Momma, I want this watermelon.”

I hovered over the crate for a few seconds, dropped my jaw halfway to object, then clamped it and exhaled hard through my nose. I helped my daughter lift her choice into the cart and wheeled toward the bakery aisle without looking back.

It’s only a watermelon, after all. Not a car, or a college, or a husband. Can’t hurt to let her pick her own fruit, right? Might even help.

“Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed,” (Proverbs 3:13–18).

Our kids will make a lot of choices in their lifetime. What clothes to wear, which friends to hang out with, yes or no to drugs. I have opinions about these things, of course, and in some cases my opinions dictate rules for my children to follow. But eventually their decisions won’t be under my sole influence or happening under my roof. When that time comes, I hope and pray to God they’ll do the right thing.

But how? How will my six-year-old learn to make wise choices if I constantly make them for her?

Yes, a watermelon is only a watermelon. But at that moment, it was so much more. It was an opportunity—to show my daughter that her decisions matter.

One day, each of our children will make the ultimate choice—whether or not to live for Jesus. I’m starting now, building my kids’ confidence in their own decision-making abilities, so that someday, when they’re grown, Jesus will be their choice and not just some habit they picked up from Mom and Dad. For faith to be real, my kids need to own it—deeply, personally, and completely. It begins with me backing off on the small choices. It begins with a watermelon.

When we got home from the grocery store, I scrubbed that ugly melon and sliced through the rind, expecting to find dried-up, seedy flesh about as flavorful as cardboard. But to my surprise, the fruit was ruby red and shimmering with juice. I bit off a chunk, and my taste buds tingled.

I’ll be darned. A perfect watermelon.

“Nice choice, sweetheart.” I handed my daughter a slice. She smiled.

“I know how to pick ‘em, don’t I, Mom?”

I sure hope so, my love. Mom is praying that will be true.

* * * * * * * *

Linking up with: The Better Mom, Playdates With God, Momma Notes, Titus 2sdays, Grace at Home, Wedded Wednesday, Thriving Thursdays, Chasing Blue Skies and Things I Can’t Say.

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Filed Under: Growing Pains, Letting Go, Mom Mess-ups, Parenting, Raising Young Kids, School Years, Things I Learn from My Kids, Trusting God

Comments

  1. Lisa Lewis Koster says

    July 22, 2013 at 11:49 am

    How wonderful that you could let go and let your daughter make her own decision. It’s very wise to start the process while they’re so young. Linking up behind you at the Wellspring.

    • Becky says

      July 24, 2013 at 2:59 am

      Thanks for stopping by, Lisa! It’s always fun to meet another Wellspring fan.

  2. Gail @ http://biblelovenotes.com says

    July 22, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Whenever I visit your site, I always enjoy your posts. They’re well-written and rich. Thanks for sharing this. Makes me look back at raising my children and see some of the mistakes I made trying to make too many decisions for them.

    • Becky says

      July 24, 2013 at 3:01 am

      Thank you for your encouragement, Gail. It’s a tough line, I think, determining which decisions to let go and which to orchestrate for the kids, depending on their age. I only hope that when I look back, although I’m sure I’ll see plenty of mistakes, that I find plenty of successes, too. For my girls’ sake. 🙂

  3. Crystal @ Serving Joyfully says

    July 22, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    Thanks for sharing, Becky! I too, am trying to recover from being a control-freak. I do allow them to make as many choices as possible for themselves, but I have to be intentional about it.

    • Becky says

      July 24, 2013 at 3:01 am

      Intentional, definitely, Crystal – me, too! We’ll work on this together.

  4. Beth says

    July 22, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    Oh, I hope all of her decisions go that well in the future. Maybe that “pale watermelon” she drags to the doorstep as her first boyfriend will be just as ripe and sweet on the inside. Great metaphor for life, Becky. I won’t look at another watermelon without recalling your wonderful story about letting our kids learn to make right choices. That’s a reminder even an old mom like me needs!

    • Becky says

      July 24, 2013 at 3:03 am

      Oh, I hope so, Beth. By then, I also hope I am wise enough not judge a watermelon/boyfriend by his cover! I love your comments here, my friend!

  5. Kim says

    July 22, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    A beautiful analogy of allowing our children to learn by doing. As you so wisely note, how will they learn if we don’t give them the opportunity? They also need to make mistakes and we need to give grace when they do. Learning is indeed a juicy adventure! ;-D

    • Becky says

      July 24, 2013 at 3:04 am

      Grace, lots of grace. You’re right, Kim, and I need to be intentional about that, too. Thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts! Juicy adventure, ha – love it!

  6. Nykiah says

    July 23, 2013 at 2:13 am

    “Maybe that “pale watermelon” she drags to the doorstep as her first boyfriend will be just as ripe and sweet on the inside.” That had me laughing! Oh choices. I too am a recovering control freak. Great lesson today Becky! I always enjoy reading your blog.

    Blessings to you!

    Nykiah

    • Becky says

      July 24, 2013 at 3:04 am

      Always great to hear from you, Nykiah! 🙂

  7. Ashley Ditto says

    July 23, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    Thank you for sharing your motherhood journey with us, sweet friend! Hope you are enjoying your summer!

    • Becky says

      July 24, 2013 at 3:05 am

      I hope you are enjoying yours, too, Ashley! Thank you for stopping in to see me! 🙂

  8. Christine says

    July 24, 2013 at 4:43 am

    Yes, this is definitely something that I struggle with – wanting my kids to make their own choices and learn to make good choices while not getting in their way. I love that you let your daughter choose the watermelon. As someone who loves watermelon, I’m not sure that I could have entrusted my kids with that task. Choosing the apples, maybe 🙂

    • Becky says

      July 25, 2013 at 8:14 pm

      Ha ha, Christine – I totally take over on the apples. 🙂 Thanks for reading!

  9. Twingle Mommy says

    July 24, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    Yep letting go is difficult. My daughter dresses herself and she picks the wackiest outfits but I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. It’s just clothes after all and does it really matter if her socks don’t match?

    • Becky says

      July 25, 2013 at 8:15 pm

      Some kids would say unmatched socks are the best kind. 🙂 I’m learning to let go in this area, too!

  10. Summer Nicole says

    July 24, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Thanks for the great reminder to let our kids be themselves…not miniature versions of us. I am learning daily that God has designed my daughter to resemble HIM, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she will resemble me in everything, and that is okay. I so desperately want to learn while she is young to support and encourage her so that she, like you so aptly said, will someday be able to make the all-important decision to love Jesus not because she wants to be like me, but because she is in love with Him.

    • Becky says

      July 25, 2013 at 8:15 pm

      Well said!

  11. MPW says

    July 25, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    I just LOVE it!!! I don’t eat watermelons, but of course, I got the point. 🙂 Beautiful message, Becky.

    • Becky says

      July 29, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      Insert your favorite fruit, Monica… and the point is just the same. 🙂 Love hearing from you, my friend!

  12. Erica {let why lead} says

    July 25, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    YES, it is always the big ugly one that they pick! WHY? At least her choice turned out well!

    • Becky says

      July 29, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      Ha ha – I should have such relaxed tastes!

  13. Diane Bailey says

    July 25, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    Hi, Stopping by from Kristen’s place. I love how you taught your daughter a life lesson using a watermelon, and the joy in her experiencing life. Good Job!

    • Becky says

      July 29, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      Thank you for reading, Diane! Blessings to you today!

  14. Becky says

    July 26, 2013 at 2:15 am

    I’m coming over from Thriving Thursdays. I love watermelon and I love this story too. Life is so full of everyday lessons and they just burst through our kids! Thanks for sharing yours!

    • Becky says

      July 29, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      Thank you for visiting from Crystal’s place, Becky!

  15. Kristen@Chasing Blue Skies says

    July 27, 2013 at 3:31 am

    Love. This.

    Love this a thousand times over.

    Your prayer is my own, Becky. May it be so for all our children.

    • Becky says

      July 29, 2013 at 12:35 pm

      How delightful to hear from you here, Kristen. Agreed – may it be so for all our precious children.

  16. Shell says

    July 29, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    I’ve been trying to let go of some decisions for my kids- the ones that don’t really matter since I don’t need control over everything. And sometimes they make good decisions and other times not, but they are learning!

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Meet Becky.

If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

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