Becky Kopitzke

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Three Things I Won’t Tell My Children

June 3, 2013

I stood in the greeting card aisle scanning graduation cards. Funny, sappy, artsy or simple, they all carried the same pithy sentiments.

Spread your wings and fly.

If you dream it, you can do it.

Now is your time to shine, grad!

Do those words make you feel warm and fuzzy? Or, like me, do your raise your eyebrows?

I’m all for building my children’s confidence. But there’s a big difference between puffing up and pointing up. Here are three popular statements you won’t hear me saying to my kids.

1. You can be anything you want to be.
No, my precious girls, you will be exactly who God designed you to be—beautiful, unique, valued, and loved. He gave you certain gifts and abilities, chosen just for you by a perfect and purposeful God, and if you spend your life discovering and using those gifts wisely then you will be successful in the deepest sense.

Still, always remember that what you do is not who you are. You are a child of God, period (John 1:12). Don’t compare yourself to anybody else, and don’t for a second believe God was sleeping on the job the day your talents were doled out. You are you for a reason.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well,” (Psalm 139:14).

2. Believe in yourself.
Believe first in your God who created you and is capable of doing amazing things through you (Philippians 4:13). Yes, you are powerful, more powerful than you know, because Christ’s power is at work within you.

“He replied, ‘If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you,’” (Luke 17:6).

3. You deserve to be happy.
Of course your mother wants you to be happy. But who in this world deserves it, when the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23)? Praise the Lord, my darling girls, for grace. Understand that blessings aren’t your right; they’re a gift. And sometimes, although we might not see it at the time, our troubles can be a gift, too.

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal,” (2 Corinthians 4:17–18).

I have twelve years to shop for my own daughter’s graduation card. That should give me enough time to dust off my craft supplies and make one myself. Meanwhile, I’m committed to building my family’s self-esteem on a firm foundation and praying that my girls will love themselves because God loves them first.

And—I’m inserting a couple words into one of those cards I found.

Now is your time to shine YOUR LIGHT, grad!

* * * * * * * *

Linking up with: The Better Mom, Playdates With God, The Mom Initiative, Momma Notes, Titus 2sdays, Grace at Home, Wedded Wednesday and Things I Can’t Say.

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Filed Under: Dying to Self, God's Love, Grace and Mercy, Growing Pains, Humility, Integrity, Parenting, School Years, Sentimental, Trusting God

Comments

  1. Karin Deaver says

    June 3, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    You grabbed my frustrated thoughts about all those messages I heard as a kid that had to be painfully rooted out of my heart and you framed them in words perfectly. Thank you for this bold truth encounter!

    • Becky says

      June 3, 2013 at 3:53 pm

      Thank you for reading and sharing your heart, Karin!

  2. Mothering From Scratch says

    June 3, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    {Melinda} This is perfect. I try not to communicate these to my children either. It’s tough because everywhere they go in this world, that’s what they’re hearing. We have to be consistent and deliberate. Pinned this!

    • Becky says

      June 4, 2013 at 2:04 am

      Thanks for reading and pinning, Melinda! I agree, it’s tough to combat the messages our kids are hearing everywhere else. But I hold tight to the hope that I still have the primary influence, at least at this stage.

  3. Beth says

    June 3, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    You are so right, Becky. So many sentiments found in cards and on the lips of those who do not consider what God’s word has to say about it, steer grads the wrong way. I’m so glad you pointed this out. BTW, you really encouraged “me” with your first point, I’ve been discouraged by a comparison I made recently. I know I shouldn’t but I did it anyway! Thanks to you and my Savior always reminding me of the Truth–I’m back on track!

    • Becky says

      June 4, 2013 at 2:07 am

      Oh, you are not alone there, Beth. Don’t we all fall into the comparison trap, even when we know where it leads? I’ve been there many times. It’s one of the reasons I’m so adamant about encouraging my kids NOT to go there. I know I can’t fight ever peer pressure battle for them, but I do hope they’ll find confidence in who God created them to be. I’m still working on that for myself. 🙂

  4. Candice Wilkinson says

    June 4, 2013 at 12:49 am

    Wow, I never thought of them that way. It’s something that society says all the time to their children but in truth it is far from the point. Raising a child with a disability really opened my eyes to these things. I strive to teach my daughter that she will be anything God wants her to be. He has already proved this countless times. I will take note of these saying on things.

    Candice

    • Becky says

      June 4, 2013 at 2:08 am

      Thank you for sharing this perspective, Candice. Blessings to you and your daughter today!

  5. Amy M. says

    June 4, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    Worse, the cards often RHYME. Ugh!

    I’d add a fourth “I’ll never say it”: Follow your heart.

    The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9. You don’t see tattoos sporting that phrase. 🙂

    Great thoughts!

    • Becky says

      June 9, 2013 at 6:34 pm

      Yes, good one, Amy!

  6. Ugochi says

    June 4, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    Every encouragement we give our little nes must be balanced in light of God’s words. That is when it makes the kind of impact we desire and won’t regret.
    Thanks for sharing, visiting from Better Moms, have a super blessed day!
    Love

    • Becky says

      June 9, 2013 at 6:34 pm

      Thanks for visiting, Ugochi!

  7. Alicia says

    June 5, 2013 at 4:24 am

    I’m sticking with buying BLANK greeting cards for my grads this year….I’ll just fill all that white space with God’s promises instead of Hallmark’s platitudes 🙂 LOVE your wisdom here, friend. And I said a hearty AMEN after each point you so thoughtfully scripted. Would you hurry up and write that book so I can keep your wisdom on my bookshelf? 🙂

    • Becky says

      June 9, 2013 at 6:34 pm

      Ha ha – would you hurry up and write yours? 🙂

  8. Lisa says

    June 5, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    Wow! What a counter-culture post! This is wonderful! I thought I was the only one who saw all that humanism in the card aisle!

    It’s so important to keep our minds in the Scriptures, and we can see through Satan’s devices.

    Lisa
    http://Www.thecourageousjourney.com

    • Becky says

      June 9, 2013 at 6:35 pm

      I think we’re not alone, Lisa, and that’s a very good thing! Thanks for reading!

  9. christa sterken says

    June 5, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Fantastic post, I am definitely sharing today

    • Becky says

      June 9, 2013 at 6:35 pm

      Thank you, Christa!

  10. Shell says

    June 5, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    You deserve to be happy is such a lie, isn’t it? At least when we really take that sentiment apart.

    • Becky says

      June 9, 2013 at 6:36 pm

      It sounds good…but then many lies do, don’t they?

  11. bluecottonmemory says

    June 6, 2013 at 2:43 am

    I agree – so many of these lines are like fructose – really nothing. When I see those cards, I just look longingly at books like Les Miserable, A Tale of Two Cities – and so many other classics – and think – my boys need to learn about life from these books!

    BTW – there’s a card I give each of my sons when they turn 15 (bought a stack a long time ago) – it’s got a great quote – “Life is what you make it – always has been – always will be” – Grandma Moses – so if you don’t like your life – Go make it something you’ll like!!!

    Loved your list – I bet there’s at least a hundred cliched lines that we could pummel!

    • Becky says

      June 9, 2013 at 6:37 pm

      A Tale of Two Cities was my favorite English Lit unit in high school.

  12. Nicole@nicole-southerncharm.com/ says

    June 6, 2013 at 9:08 pm

    What a great post! So true!! I am new from southern charm! I would love for you to check out my blog and hopefully follow me back. Nicole

    • Becky says

      June 9, 2013 at 6:38 pm

      Thanks for reading, Nicole!

  13. Sadie Grace says

    June 9, 2013 at 2:53 am

    Loved the message of this post. I wish more people could see how these phrases need to be edited to reflect God’s truth. I found you via Imparting Grace!

  14. Sarah says

    June 10, 2013 at 5:15 am

    I have 7 years to shop for the perfect graduation card and am beyond delighted at the boy spreading his wings in our home.

    Sweet momma friend. Your are an encouragement to me and countless others. Thanks for splashing us all by joining our momma notes. We would love to have you link up again, with this or another post.

    Mondays … join the melody
    http://www.justsarahdawn.blogspot.com

    And I know the filled to the brim momma schedules … so join us any day of the week and link up, add your voice.

    Sarah

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    August 25, 2014 at 3:18 am

    […] this post encouraged you, it would bless me if you’d share it. You might also like Three Things I Won’t Tell My Children, Cut Me Some Slack, Little People, and Why We Didn’t Quit […]

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If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

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