Becky Kopitzke

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Teaching Kids to Handle Disappointment

April 22, 2013

If life is a book, then I’d like to rip out some pages. Spring break, for example.

It was supposed to be a fantastically fun-filled week. One of the big highlights was a dearly anticipated visit from my girls’ older cousins. The mere mention of their names spread goofy smiles across my kindergartener’s face.

So after coordinating calendars, planning a craft and baking projects and a super special lunch, all four kids were excited for Tuesday morning to arrive. Only problem was, it arrived a bit too early in our house—2 a.m.—when my three-year-old threw up in her bed.

Ugh! Stomach flu. It blindsides us every time. So I stripped sheets, grabbed our trusty bucket from the cupboard, and told my six-year-old to sleep in my bed for the rest of the night.

“Mom, does this mean my cousins can’t come to play?” Her voice raised an octave, and her bottom lip trembled. I paused in the doorway, frowning.

“Yes, lovey. I’m sorry. They can’t come when your sister is sick. We don’t want them to catch it.”

“But they were going to bring their American Girl dolls!”

“I know, sweetheart. It’s so disappointing.”

She burst into tearful sputters, and my heart lurched. “Hey, now,” I soothed. “God knew this was going to happen. He must have some good reason why your cousins can’t come over like we’d planned.”

She sobbed harder, then wiped her nose on her sleeve and sniffled. “But I really wanted them to come.”

I know. I did, too. How can I help her understand disappointment when I don’t understand it myself?

I can’t.

Because understanding isn’t the goal. Trusting is.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight,” (Proverbs 3:5–6).

I might not be able to wipe away the hurt. But I can equip my daughter to accept it. If day after day I teach her to take little disappointments in stride, by pointing to God and his smarter plan—then maybe someday when the big disappointments come, she’ll know from years of practice how to trust God.

When she doesn’t make the varsity team.

When a boyfriend breaks her heart.

When she loses a job, a baby, her dad and me.

Yes, she will grieve. But I pray from the roots of my soul that she will trust God’s sovereignty—and even thank him for it.

Because life is full of disappointments. But one thing will never let her down.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us,” (Romans 5: 1–5, emphasis mine).

Not every disappointment will be redeemed this side of heaven. But I’m happy to report God cut us some slack. It just so happened the cousins were available to make up our date the following Friday. So we scrubbed the house with Lysol and enjoyed those crafts and baking projects after all. And as I stood in the kitchen surrounded by four happy kids, three American Girl dolls, and two dozen open cans of Play-Doh, I thanked God for the chance to teach my daughter one of life’s hard lessons.

Disappointments will come. But they’re never the end of the story.

If this post encouraged you, please pass it on. You might also like When God Doesn’t Give You What You Ask For, It Hurts Because I Love You, and What’s Better Than a Bed Full of Teddy Bears.

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Linking up with: The Better Mom, Playdates With God, The Mom Initiative, Titus 2sdays, Grace at Home, Wedded Wednesday, Women Living Well and Things I Can’t Say.

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Filed Under: Doctor Mom, Growing Pains, Parenting, Raising Young Kids, School Years, Trusting God

Comments

  1. Alicia says

    April 22, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    It’s SO HARD to handle disappointment when we really just want to “fix” the whole thing. Love your wisdom here- and the idea that we can practice trusting. Wouldn’t it be amazing if that were our- and our kids’ knee-jerk response to plan B? Thanks for writing. Always a gift on my Monday morning.

    • Becky says

      April 23, 2013 at 1:54 pm

      That is my goal, Alicia – for trusting to be our knee-jerk response. I need it as much as my kids do! Thanks for reading each week, my friend!

  2. MPW says

    April 23, 2013 at 1:21 am

    Disappointment is truly a bummer.It’s hard for me to handle it,and I’m an adult. I can only imagine how the heart of a little one rejects disappointment. I’m going to tuck your wisdom away into a “pocket” for safekeeping. I’m sure I’ll need the reminder the next time disappointment rears its head.

    • Becky says

      April 23, 2013 at 1:55 pm

      I’m trying to see disappointment as a shift in perspective… like maybe this is the better thing, according to God. Who can argue with that, right?

  3. Erica {let why lead} says

    April 23, 2013 at 1:21 am

    Oh man, disappointment stinks! Especially when you’re experiencing it through your children. I’m not eager for my sweethearts to experience those disappointments that only grow with age. But yes, a faith-filled life and trusting perspective is the only thing I can think of that makes a difference.

    • Becky says

      April 23, 2013 at 1:55 pm

      Definitely, Erica! It makes all the difference, I agree.

  4. Ashley Ditto says

    April 24, 2013 at 12:55 am

    I miss hearing from you Becky! Hope you are doing well. Thank you for posting this, as my oldest is growing, I have needed advice on how to handle certain things, this being one. Thank you!

    • Becky says

      April 27, 2013 at 2:37 am

      I miss you, too, Ashley! I hope you’ll keep stopping by this summer even as you take your own blogging break. Hugs for you and your girls!

  5. Pamela says

    April 24, 2013 at 2:42 am

    Awww…why is it we are hurt more by our children’s disappointments than our own? How wonderful that you could point her to the One who never disappoints. I smiled when I read the time was made up. How God loves our children!

    • Becky says

      April 27, 2013 at 2:36 am

      So true, Pamela! He loves us all. I rest in that when life gets hard to understand.

  6. Kim says

    April 24, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    What a wise and wonderful mom you are, Becky. Teaching our children lessons from disappointment is so crucial. Speaking from experience, I think it’s much easier to just comfort and redirect. However, that doesn’t help as much in the long run.

    • Becky says

      April 27, 2013 at 2:35 am

      I pray for wisdom all the time, Kim! So often I feel like I’m punting. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts here!

  7. CupcakesandHomeschool says

    April 24, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    I really enjoyed your post. I am thankful I was raised by my Christian parents to understand even in disappointments to trust God. I know I could not make it through raising my daughter with special needs without understanding that. This is something I hope to also teach my daughters!

    • Becky says

      April 27, 2013 at 2:34 am

      Thank you for reading and sharing a bit of your own story!

  8. Amber Page Writes says

    April 25, 2013 at 3:35 am

    Ahhh, such a lovely thought. I wish I had your faith! 🙂 It’s a great lesson to teach your children.

    • Becky says

      April 27, 2013 at 2:33 am

      You can get it, Amber! Ask me how. It’s one of my favorite subjects. 🙂

  9. Shell says

    April 25, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    My kids were all sick over spring break. It was so rough!

    • Becky says

      April 27, 2013 at 2:33 am

      Oh, bummer, Shell – yours, too?

  10. Beth says

    April 26, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    You are just so gifted, Becky. You “wow” me every week and I keep thinking, one of these days, she’s going to have a mediocre post. Ha! You never do! It’s always a hit right out of the ballpark. I love, love, love, “Because understanding isn’t the goal. Trusting is.” I’m going to tuck that one away in my favorite quotes, my friend! So glad it all worked out–later rather than sooner. But then, the best things in life are always worth the wait. 🙂

    • Becky says

      April 27, 2013 at 2:32 am

      Oh my goodness, Beth, such pressure! I truly appreciate your encouragement. Believe me, those mediocre posts are in the pipeline. Just don’t tell me when you read one, ha ha. 🙂 And yes, you’re right – so many good things are better for the waiting. Thanks for stopping here each week, my Messy Marriage friend!

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If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

We need each other. I'm so glad you're here.

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