Howdy. Can you toss me a cowboy hat? Or maybe a holster, or one of those shiny plastic badges? Surely you boy mommas have some Woody-ish garb lying around. I could use it over here on the wild frontier.
‘Cause there’s a showdown going on in my house—between Sheriff Mom and The Kid.
The two-year-old Kid.
The stubborn, willful, no-I-don’t-want-to-and-you-can’t-make-me Kid.
That’s my girl.
It all started a few nights ago. The Kid discovered she could pitter-patter out of her toddler bed, trip the threshold from bedroom to hallway, and roam free. So now she thinks bedtime is only a suggestion.
“Go back to your room. It’s time to sleep.” I stood at the baby gate with fists on my hips and my mouth screwed tight. The Kid clasped the gate with both hands and batted her lashes.
“No!” A half-smile teetered on her lips. I stepped over the gate, wrapped her fingers in mine and led her back to bed.
“Sweet dreams.” I tucked her in and left the room. Immediately, she yanked her covers and followed me down the hall.
“Go back to bed.” We resumed our standoff at the gate. “I am not joking.”
“No!” she hissed.
“Okay, that’s your choice. You’re on your own now.” I spun on my heels and stomped out of sight toward the family room.
A whimper rang from the hallway. Then a rattling sound. Crash! Boom! I ran through the kitchen to find The Kid scampering toward me. The little stinker busted down the baby gate!
“That’s it, young lady!” Sheriff Mom pulled out the big guns. “I’m throwing away your stuffed animals!”
I huffed from room to room, swiping every fuzzy dog and bunny in my path. When my arms were stacked with plush toys, I sped toward the garbage can. The Kid wailed at my heels, and I gave myself a fuming pep talk.
She wants a fight? I’ll show her a fight. Pure defiance, that’s all this is. Stay strong. She needs to learn to obey. It’s my job to teach her! To discipline! To establish authority! If I fail to squash bedtime arguments, what’s next? Breaking curfew? Robbing banks? Heaven help me, I will not let my child grow up to be an outlaw!
“Mommy, I want you!”
What did she say?
“Muh-muh-mommy! I-I-I! Want! You!” Gulping for air between sobs, The Kid sputtered her desperate plea.
Not “stop.” Not “no, don’t throw away doggie.” Again she hiccupped, “Mommy, I want you.”
What kind of outlaw says that?
I froze, turned around, and released the stuffed animals into a heap on the floor. My baby girl’s cheeks were streaked pink with tears. She lifted her open palms to my waist.
“Mommy,” she whispered now. “I want you to hold me.”
Exasperation fled my limbs and I slumped down to grab her. She nestled her head in my shoulder and closed her eyes. I clutched her warm body to mine, kissed her spongy cheek, and rocked. Within two minutes, she fell asleep in my arms.
The Kid wasn’t looking for a fight after all. Quite the opposite—she wanted love.
Darn. What did I give her instead? Rules. Rants. Scolding. Sheriff Mom was so bent on training and discipline, I lost sight of that fundamental need to let love lead my actions.
Loving parents set limits, yes. I get that. But sometimes I act very unlovely when I lay down the law. Have I forgotten? Biblically speaking, the law was always meant to point us to Jesus (Galatians 3:23–25). And Jesus embodies love.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins,” (1 Peter 4:8).
I don’t have this sleep battle figured out yet. At some point, my daughter does need to cooperate or crash. But I’m raising a family, not a posse. So before I lash out the discipline, I’ll try hugs first. I’ll tame my words so they don’t hurt more than help. I’ll spare the stuffed animals, for the love of God.
On second thought, you can keep that cowboy hat. But if you have any advice on how to get a strong-willed toddler to sleep without losing your mind, I’ll take that instead.
Thank you kindly, partner.
If this post encouraged you, please pass it on. You might also like On Discipline and Raising Sunflowers, and How a Wiggles Movie Changed My Life.
Linking up with: The Better Mom, Playdates With God, Mommy Moments, Titus 2sdays, Domestically Divine Tuesday, Living Well Wednesdays, Grace at Home, Things I Can’t Say, and Faithfully Parenting Fridays.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! I don’t have any sage advice on bedtime, but I love the reminder that I’m not raising a posse.
Thank you, Laura! I’ve been knocking myself over the head with this reminder all week. Those poor stuffed animals.
I honestly went to “sleep” in the toddler bed with all three of my boys (we co-slept before it was uncool) to wean them into sleeping on their own. Once they fell asleep I got up and they would sleep through the night in their own bed(usually). If they woke up and crawled into our bed we repeated the process or brought them back to their bed after they fell asleep. It is not a one-night training solution, but it gradually teaches them to go to sleep on their own and we <> never have the bedtime fiascoes of which I hear scare stories! We have a six year old, a four year old, a two year old, and a five month old…oldest two sleep on their own no fuss no muss, the two year old is 90% (would be better if he had picked a security blankie like his brothers!), and the baby still sleeps with me. 🙂 Every family is different, but that is what worked for us and I wish you the best in your endeavor! God bless!
Oh my goodness, I can just imagine bedtime routine with four little ones in your house, Hallie! I can relate – we do what we have to do in order to get some sleep. Thanks for sharing!
Oh, my, we could swap wrangler stories, indeed. My first born came out of the womb without a need for sleep and has never changed his tune. At fourteen, we still beg, plead, bribe, threaten (cry? ok, I don’t cry over his sleeplessness too often any more) over bedtime rules. Of course, I’ve got four others that follow him and not a single one has an affinity for sleep. I think there’s a snoozing gene we’re missing around here!
I LOVE your wisdom here- may need to post it on my bathroom mirror today–But I’m raising a family, not a posse. So before I lash out the discipline, I’ll try hugs first. I’ll tame my words so they don’t hurt more than help. I’ll spare the stuffed animals, for the love of God.
You’re an incredible writer, dear cowgirl. Thanks for lassoing words so we can all be blessed!
I just love hearing from you, Alicia! You make me laugh (in the spirit of commiseration). A missing snoozing gene, indeed. My older daughter is a classic sleep-fighter, and I’d gotten spoiled by her little sister’s good sleep habits, until now. Maybe that’s what makes this doubly frustrating.
Your encouragement is so precious to me today, thank you!
Ah it can be so hard to know what they need at any given moment! A lot of times my older son has a hard time coming out of a tantrum without some cuddling from me, but it feels a little counterintuitive to my discipline efforts. So tricky!
I often misinterpret what they’re really needing… but I try to get it right more than I get it wrong. Tricky indeed, Erica! I agree.
I totally hear this – its like you were watching my house and listening to my words- granted I’m dealing with a stubborn boy, but still… I have too many sleeping genes, and they didn’t seem to be passed on to my energy balls called kids! We just take it one day at a time, and pray for sleep in between. Oh and I try not to punch other mommies when they complain they only got 7 hours of sleep from their kids when they are used to 10! I’m lucky for 6 quiet hours… just another part of life I have to figure out how to live with… and love my little ones through it
Thanks for sharing this!
Marissa
http://forfunreadinglist.blogspot.com
I can relate. So many mornings I’ve prayed for a supernatural degree of energy. And God does come through. What must it be like to get 10 hours of sleep?! I hardly remember.
LOVE it! Oh if the Lord ever sees fit to bless me with a little one, I know I’ll be back over here for encouragement all the time. 🙂 In the meantime, I’ll pray your little strong-willed girl child will learn the meaning of obedience at bedtime so mommy doesn’t end up pulling her hair out trying to figure out how to get the little princess to bed. 🙂
I look forward to the day, Monica! You will be a fantastic mom, and we will tear our hair out together. 🙂
Angela M. posting here:
I still remember the time Jadon jumped his baby gate during initial toddler bed days (still don’t know how the jump happened!). We did nanny-style, putting him back in bed however many times it took until he stayed. It took a few nights but worked well for our little guy.
Hi, Angela! How fun to hear from you here. So the nanny approach really worked, huh? I wonder if I have the patience and perseverance for it. But it does seem to be a better plan than fighting, that’s for sure.
My little girl is two and she does is going through this stage too! Every now and then, she just decides bedtime isn’t for her and has a little bout of getting out of bed. What worked with both my kiddos, almost four and two, is the first time they get of bed, I kiss them and give hugs and then tell them goodnight again. Then as many times after that, I silently pick them back up and put them back to bed.
It usually takes a couple of nights, but then they’re back in a rhythm. My oldest doesn’t do it anymore, but sometimes Sis still does.
Loved this encouragement to love! 🙂
Oh how familiar this is!!
Good reminder for me in the battles…love covers all.
I was next to you today at the Better Mom.
I love this!! And needed to read it TODAY. I swear I have this fight every night. Maybe I need to slow down a bit. Thank you!
Following fro mthe Mommy Moments hop, I’d love for you to visit me @ http://www.laughwithash.blogspot.com
Oh, Becky! This is such a word picture I need on too many days!! “Raising a family, not a posse!” Ha! Love it all!!
I have the same battles… with my almost two year old and my six year old still co-sleeps some nights because otherwise he’d be up all night… one of my girlfriends went so far as to cut the kids bedroom doors in half so that she could leave the top open to check on them but they couldn’t get out of the bottom and roam free…
I can’t believe she actually cut the doors… but then again, under desperate circumstances, I totally get it. Crazy and brilliant – just like a mom! 🙂
Smiling big here:). I remember those bedtime battles. Trust me. One day it will all be a distant memory. Sheriff.
I have had this “battle” in my house for years, and you are right – they are not fighting bed time or nap time – they just want some love. So simple! So well said!
Hi, I just discovered your blog via your guest post on Jeff Goins’ site. I so appreciate your viewpoint. As mommy to three preschool boys, I often feel more like a grumpy referee than the tenderhearted mom I’d like to be. Thanks for this reminder and perspective!
~Sharon
Thanks for popping over from Jeff’s place, Sharon! Welcome! You and I both… the grumpy referees. I can relate to that for sure.
Becky, I remember those days well. Now that my kids(and you know both of them)are adults with children of their own I look back and can laugh,but then it was not funny. It just took alot of patience of putting them back in bed, and back in bed before then get the idea it is time to sleep. You will look back years from now and laugh too! Irene
Ha! I can just picture a little C and K wandering out of bed, and now our kids do it to us, too, you’re right. My mom tells me stories of how I would climb out of my crib. I suppose I had this coming to me!
I get caught up in the end result sometimes- like wanting my child in bed. So wonderful that you could stop and realize what your child really needed.
Oh my, this does bring back bitter memories for me, Becky. I think I was especially adept at turning into that rigid sheriff on a dime, way back when. Often I was just as tired as my toddler–that was the first messy ingredient. I will not share any advice, because it seems you are learning quite well, my dear. Trust your “mommy heart” (which is very much like Jesus’ heart) and you’ll both be sleeping better in no time! 🙂
Oh my goodness it’s like you’re in my house every night. Same scene. Same lessons for mama and girl. I wish I had advice but we’re struggling still too! But I also think you’ve got it figured out. I often lead with rules and laws too but sometimes a simple hug is all it takes. Good work, mama!
Amen! (Do I say that every time I come here?)
“I’m raising a family, not a posse.” That’s a good one, Becky. Yes, sometimes love has to be tough; of it’s your job to keep her safe and to bring her up to be a responsible adult. But it looks to me like you’re doing a good job of recognizing that love needs to be the leader. 🙂
Loved reading your post. Made me smile and so understand you. I would be so happy to have you as a follower. Happy Fall~Jen
Loved reading this! It made me smile as well. I have been there. I don’t have advice though, every child is different. God bless you!
new follower! from
http://abundantjoy04.blogspot.com/
Welcome, Tonya!
Becky I really needed this. I feel a lot of the times I am all about rules and I need to calm down, collect myself and reach for my kids. Thank you!!
You and me both, Ashley. 🙂
Wow, I’ve just read your last 5 posts. Thank you! Love your blog and will be a regular vistor!
Thank you, Heidi! So glad to have you here!