Do you want your readers to like you? Try swapping “you” for “we.”
One of the simplest ways to endear yourself to your readers is to change the way you address them. Rather than pointing the finger at the reader (“You should strengthen your writing”), join their plight (“We can strengthen our writing”). Constantly referring to the reader as “you” can put them on the defensive or make yourself sound like a bully.
Don’t be a bully. Be a friend.
I check and re-check my writing constantly for this issue. Because my goal as an author and blogger is to encourage and inspire with transparency and authenticity, I frequently write as though we are a team. And we are! I often tell my readers, “we’re in this together” when speaking about motherhood or family life or the challenges of coping day to day. And my writing reflects that.
Here’s an example from my book, The Cranky Mom Fix. Read this passage with the accusatory “you” compared to the welcoming “we.”
YOU
What happens when you allow yourself to get so run down that you’re useless to everyone around you—especially your children? Is that the work of a “good” Christian mom? I don’t think so. Neither does God.
“Unless the Lord builds a house, the builders’ work is useless. Unless the Lord protects a city, sentries do no good. It is senseless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, fearing you will starve to death; for God wants his loved ones to get their proper rest.” (Psalm 127:1–5, TLB)
When you work, work, work and serve, serve, serve your family with no respect for your own need for “proper rest”—which means not only sleep or relaxation but also time spent with God—your efforts are futile. God must be in charge. Trouble is, many of you are too busy trying to do His job.
You are a faulty human being. You have limits. And like I just discussed in chapter 4, when you hit those limits, your moods suffer. Ironically, not taking care of yourself can become the very root of your grouchiness and completely defeat the goal of motherly kindness. Therefore, self-care is not selfish. It’s a critical component in our Cranky Mom Fix.
WE
What happens when we allow ourselves to get so run down that we’re useless to everyone around us—especially our children? Is that the work of a “good” Christian mom? I don’t think so. Neither does God.
“Unless the Lord builds a house, the builders’ work is useless. Unless the Lord protects a city, sentries do no good. It is senseless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, fearing you will starve to death; for God wants his loved ones to get their proper rest.” (Psalm 127:1–5, TLB)
When we work, work, work and serve, serve, serve our families with no respect for our own need for “proper rest”—which means not only sleep or relaxation but also time spent with God—our efforts are futile. God must be in charge. Trouble is, many of us are too busy trying to do His job.
We are faulty human beings. We have limits. And like we just discussed in chapter 4, when we hit those limits, our moods suffer. Ironically, not taking care of ourselves can become the very root of our grouchiness and completely defeat the goal of motherly kindness. Therefore, self-care is not selfish. It’s a critical component in our Cranky Mom Fix.
* * * * *
Do you see the difference? Too much “you” sets the reader against the writer. It makes the message sound accusatory or belittling. Using “we,” on the other hand, places us on the same team with the reader. We’re saying, “We’re facing this together; I get you, and I’m here to encourage you.”
Which example do you think I actually printed in my book? Definitely the “we.”
One last tidbit—I want us all to notice how Scripture frequently uses the “you” approach.
“It is senseless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, fearing you will starve to death.”
This actually supports my point. If you are God, feel free to preach. If you’re not, get off the pulpit and join your audience. That’s where most of us belong.
Write on!
Becky
Excerpts drawn from The Cranky Mom Fix (Bethany House / Baker Publishing). Used by permission.
Want more writing tips like this one? Check out my new online course, Write Like a Pro.