I don’t like waiting. Traffic jams, grocery store checkout lines, airport layovers—basically anything that hinders my progress from point A to point B, I could do without. And I know I’m not alone. Most people hate waiting. It’s why Disney created the Fast Pass.
But you know what the kicker is? God does some of his best work in the waiting.
I know this firsthand.
Six years ago, I held a phone to my ear and paced my bedroom floor while my OB/GYN explained a series of lab results. After several months of trying for a second baby, I had finally consented to undergo some tests. Now I wondered if it was better not to know.
“You’re a bit of a mystery.” Not exactly what a gal wants to hear from her doctor. “Next steps would be to come see me at the fertility clinic.”
The fertility clinic.
That dreaded “F” bomb.
I never imagined it would apply to me.
Did you?
Even if you’re not struggling to conceive, we all know someone who is—or someone who defied the medical skeptics and is now raising beautiful impossible children. Fertility issues touch every woman either directly or indirectly, within your own family or community or close circle of friends. And we all have a responsibility to face it.
Why?
Because the Bible says so.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. . . . Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:12, 15).
I’m not going to tell you how my season of secondary infertility taught me to trust God in ways I didn’t need to before, although that is absolutely true.
And I’m not going to go into details about how waiting on God can grant a deeper blessing than immediate gratification could ever hope to create. It really can.
Today I just want to admit that infertility sucked.
Yes, I said the S word.
Sucked.
As in, it sucked the joy out of me. It drained my energy and my marriage and the tears from my eyes. It blinded me to the present blessings of raising a happy toddler—because I was convinced she needed a sibling in order to be complete.
I know now that she didn’t, really. But that’s what a fertility struggle does. It consumes you from the inside out and casts shadows on your perspective until you can’t see or think clearly.
If you are that woman, the one who carries the daily heartache of longing for a child—whether it’s your first child or your next—can you please believe that God knows what he’s doing? I get that it’s hard. Infertility makes no sense to us. Yet your prayers are never wasted. God always knows something we don’t know.
And if that woman is your friend, you have a role to play. Don’t try to solve her problems or give her a pep talk (kind of like I just did). She is on a journey, and the Lord has placed her there. You cannot “perspective” another woman’s pain away. She must come to conclusions herself, in her own time, according to God’s plan for her life. Your job is to walk alongside her. Not to try to accelerate the race or bump her off the path of sorrow. God does amazing work in sorrow. Let him have his way.
Just love her. Listen to her. Pray for her. Cry with her. Step into her life for a while. Compassion in action will point her to Jesus more than any words you can spill from your well-meaning tongue.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).
I’m grateful to the women who walked through my waiting with me. If God had given me a fast pass to pregnancy, I would’ve missed out on some sweet encouragement from friends, among other priceless lessons learned. They were a bright spot on dark and weepy days. And in the end, when God chose to bless me with another child, those friends were the ones whose congratulations meant the most—because they gave all the glory to God.
My blessing is now a spitfire five-year-old who loves to run and jump and say “butt” as often as I’ll allow. Thankfully that’s the naughtiest word she knows. And when my husband and I took our girls to Disney World, you’d better believe I made them stand in line to see Tinker Bell and Rapunzel and Pocahontas. No Fast Passes allowed.
Because good things happen in the waiting. And we had each other to lean on—every step of the way.
Blessings,
Becky
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Loved this post. Such great advice. A friend of mine wrote a book on infertility which came out recently. I have not personally faced infertility struggles but I read every word of it because it was so good. Wanted to pass on the info to you—it’s called Plus or Minus by Matt and Cheri Appling.
P.S. My friend’s mom is in her early 80s and she has a different version of the F word. (fart) She’ll put her hand over her mouth and raise her eyebrows and say, “Oops, I just did the F word!” There’s no talking her out of it. 🙂
Ha, Kelly, thanks for the giggle! Your friend’s mom sounds kind of like my kids. Thank you for the book recommendation. I will share it with some friends.
Thanks for sharing this today! I have walked the path of infertility before and it wasn’t easy. I wanted everything to happen in MY timing instead of God’s. After coming to a place of surrender, I was able to honestly pray and ask God for his will to be done. We were ready to begin the process of artificial insemination, but God chose to perform a miracle instead. I went on a business trip to Hawaii with my husband and came back pregnant! It was so cool to be able to tell my story that pointed to GOD.
All glory to Him, Lisa! Thank you for sharing your story!
Well, this makes me want to say the “A” word – Awesome! I love your heart for turning the hurts in life into life lessons that come from your authentic and tender heart, Becky! I’m praying this message is not only healing to others but to you as well!
Thank you, Beth! I’ve been thinking a lot about 2 Corinthians 1:3-6… sharing in suffering and comfort. I value your prayers!
Excellent advice. This isn’t something that I struggled with- but we all have our own issues where we have to wait on God.
Amen to that, Shell. The waiting place… everybody goes there at one time or another.
You hit the nail on the head that what a woman who is struggling with infertility needs is someone to listen to and pray for them. I did not want advice or pep talks. I wanted prayers. Prayers for you and your journey. Thanks for sharing this with us for Tuesday Talk! – Jess
http://www.sweetlittleonesblog.com
Thanks, Jess. It’s not a fun struggle to have in common, but I am grateful for women who could counsel me from experience… and rejoice with me when God said “yes” after the waiting.
Great advice and a great perspective!
Thank you for sharing – waiting is hard no matter the reason (and infertility is a tough thing for sure) – but God makes even broken and hard seasons beautiful as we look to Him! Remember to link-up again tomorrow for another Tuesday Talk!
Sarah (co-host)
http://www.sarahefrazer.com
I find that this advice works for most tough situations – infertility, loss of a loved one, a baby born too soon or unhealthy, job loss, etc.
Oh, I LOVE this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have been on both sides. The waiting. And the encouraging. This is just perfect. And you know what I realized? The waiting made the “gift” s.o. m.u.c.h. more meaningful. Each and every time. I will be sharing this!! <3
More meaningful, yes! I agree, Liz. Thanks so much for reading and sharing!
Thanks so much for opening your heart this way, Becky. I will pass it on!
This hit the nail on the head for me. I was in tears reading it. I have been trying to conceive for about 2 years now. And pray about it all the time. I have never had any children, but I do have 6 step children but I would love to have my own child. It test my faith quote often especially when people around me have kids non stop. But my brother told me I needed to start praying for patience. But to know others have gone through the same thing. Puts me more at ease. Thank you!
Hugs to you, Kisha! You are not alone. Jesus is near, sister.
Thank you for everything you wrote and didn’t write! I’m waiting. I’ve been waiting 4 years ttc #3 and miscarried twice in recently. I don’t know what God has planned for my family, but I know that He is working. And I’m thankful for a dear friend who has encouraged me, cried with me, and prays for me.
Thank you for your encouraging message!
I wish I could hug you right now, Sara. God knows. He always knows something we don’t. Blessings to you…