Becky Kopitzke

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Love Is {Not?} Enough

September 17, 2019

My husband and I are hosting a marriage study with our couples’ group this fall. We’ve been talking about what it really takes to hold a marriage together—and what kinds of stumbles (or earthquakes) can cause a relationship to detour. These include anything from “he leaves his dirty socks on the floor” to “we disagree on how to discipline our kids” to “I was attracted to another man at work.”

Dang. What then?

When we really dig down to the root of marriage, we discover this covenant can’t be based on feelings but rather a deliberate choice—to remain committed to this one person through the highs and lows and lots and lots of daily “meh.” Over time, honeymoon love morphs into long-married love. It’s messier and deeper and bruised and complex. After 5 or 10 or 25+ years, most husbands and wives have fought through emotional war zones together—and if that doesn’t bond a couple, what will?

That’s usually the point when somebody pipes up with this worn-out conclusion.

“We thought we got married for love. Now we know love is not enough.”

Is that true?

I admit I’ve said those words. I’ve believed them. And yes, love the emotion is not enough. Because emotions change. They’re unreliable. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

But what is love, really?

It’s not a feeling.

It’s a person.

And He is always enough.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:7–8, emphasis mine)

Not too long ago, I had a heavy conversation with a dear friend who is enduring a rough time in her marriage. I mean really rough—not just a momentary spat but the heart-wrenching, explosive stuff that causes two people to examine the core of who they are and what they’ve known about each other for the past 20 years. My friend is wading through a ton of pain, resentment, remorse and disappointment.

Does she “feel” like loving her husband right now?

No. She “feels” like punching his face off.

But real love does not depend on feelings, nor does it take its direction from them. Love takes its cues from God, who is the very definition and embodiment of love itself.

So my friend is choosing to love and honor God by loving and honoring her husband, sticking with him, taking ownership for her role in the struggle and humbly repenting of her own mistakes.

How can she do that?

Because she is a child of God. And God is love.

His love dwells inside her. It guides her and defines her.

And with God’s strength, wisdom, conviction and resolve planted at the center of a marriage, two faulty people stand a chance.

For sure, love the feeling is not enough. But love the person is. So let’s lean on Him in good times and bad, through sickness and health, ‘til death do we part.

Amen?

“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” (1 John 4:9–12)

Blessings,
Becky

What to Read Next: How to Maintain Harmony During Stressful Seasons of Marriage

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    If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

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    📚Author of The Supermom Myth & Generous Love
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    Instagram post 2107609199356937547_2005360423 Do you ever feel overwhelmed in parenting, marriage, work, or life in general?
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Do you wish you could understand how God and the Bible apply to your life... but you struggle to figure it out?
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How are we supposed to do all the things, be all the things, and manage ALL THE THINGS without getting crabby, fed up, or burned out?
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Great questions. Maybe what you need right now is a wise friend... a mentor and coach who can help you sort it all out, point you to God's Word and help you discover what it looks like to apply His truths to your daily choices and responsibilities. Someone who won't criticize or judge you but instead stand beside you, validate your struggles, and then inspire and equip you to move through them with practical and biblically sound tips, accountability, and lots of prayer.
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That's what I do.
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This fall, I have two openings for one-on-one coaching and mentoring. This is an opportunity to work intimately together, growing closer to Jesus through Scripture resources and Christ-centered conversations so that you can get a handle on the things that trip you up. If you're ready to invest in a relationship that will point you to God and hold you there—with plenty of room for laughter, tears, doubts and questions—then I'd love to work with you one-on-one this fall.
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Only two spots are available. All the details are on my website at beckykopitzke.com/one-on-one-coaching-and-mentoring. I invite you to apply for one of these limited coaching/mentoring client spots. I can't wait to get to know you one-on-one!
    Instagram post 2099708763774036642_2005360423 Spending sweet time with my baby girl... who is now long gone from her baby days. Summer, we love you. Fourth grade can wait. We have popsicles to slurp.
    Instagram post 2093151453752673218_2005360423 Raising older kids has its blessings. Seeing my daughters invest in younger ones is an encouragement of eternal proportions. They will carry on the call of raising disciples.
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    Instagram post 2075968304522458287_2005360423 “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.” - Psalm 127:3-5
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Raise your hand if this sounds familiar, and know that I’m raising my hand right along with you, sister, because I’ve been there too. 🙋🏻
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But as a women's author, Christian blogger, and (semi) seasoned-momma, I felt the need to actually DO something about it! So I've created a FREE Resource Library for moms just like you! In this space you’ll find a unique collection of free, easily downloadable resources designed to solve common parenting issues, add some fun back into the day-to-day routine, and provide some much-needed encouragement for a momma's heart.
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So take a 2-minute "mom break" (or at the very least save the link for when the kids are asleep) and go check it out — I really think you'll love what you find. Simply click the link in my profile and choose "Free Mom Resources" to sign up! .
Psst! If you're still not sure if these resources will be helpful for you, here's a few examples of what you'll find in the Resource Library:
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👉🏻 Stop Yelling! A Five-Day Guidebook for Moms
👉🏻 30 Creative Solutions to 7 Common Parenting Problems
👉🏻 20 Questions to Help Your Kids Get Along
👉🏻 Screen Time Tickets for Kids and Tweens
👉🏻 30 Ideas for Family Fun When You Don't Know What to Do
👉🏻 20 Household Worship Games for the Entire Family
👉🏻 How to Pray for Your Husband from Head to Toe
    Instagram post 2072310361256014584_2005360423 Local friends...raise your hand if you will be going to Lifest this summer! (hand raise emoji) I'll be speaking on "Living the Glorious Mom Life" on the Pit Stage on Saturday, July 13th. If you are there I'd love for you to stop by, listen, and say hello!
    Instagram post 2071634573409955710_2005360423 In my newest book, The Cranky Mom Fix, in the second chapter we talk about recognizing our triggers that taunt that cranky "Momster" to rear her ugly head. We discuss how to pinpoint the areas we need to turn our eyes and ears toward as we start to put this beast back her in place. One way to explore this is by reading 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 and replacing the word "love" with your name. For example — Becky is patient, Becky is kind. Becky does not envy, Becky does not boast, Becky is not proud, etc. Can you recite that with confidence? Or are there maybe some areas that trip you up and give you pause? Try this yourself and then leave me a ✔️ when you've done this for yourself!
    Instagram post 2070867301619765627_2005360423 Summer is my favorite season. Ever since my girls entered school, I’ve come to treasure these fleeting sunshine days—free from classroom routines, after-school commitments, homework and social drama.
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Don’t get me wrong; we love our school, and I’m grateful for the hardworking teachers who pour their love and energy into my daughters day after day. School is a great blessing in our lives. And by the time June rolls around, our dear teachers deserve a break even more than we do. Summer is a beautiful thing—for everyone. But...
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Something strange is happening now that my girls are growing older. This weird dichotomy of emotions bubbles up within me when I see my daughters stand on stage at the year-end ceremony and hug their teachers goodbye. On one hand, I’m relieved and elated and eager to have them home on summer rest.
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Yet there’s this other hand that shows up now, and it slaps my heart in a tender space. Summer no longer means just popsicles and pool parties and wearing PJs ‘til noon. Now it also signifies change, growth, and time closing in.
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I blinked and suddenly there’s a seventh grader living in my house. Seventh grade. That’s only six years from high school graduation. Six years from your job is done here, mother woman. Peace out. How can that be?
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To read the rest of this post, click the link in my profile and choose "Featured Blog Post"
    Instagram post 2069389800766766265_2005360423 Reviews are starting to roll in from my book launch team...a few days ago I shared with you what fellow moms have to say about The Cranky Mom Fix — the reviews just keep coming, so here are 5 MORE reasons why you should read The Cranky Mom Fix!
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And if you’re looking for more information on The Cranky Mom Fix, visit the link in my profile!
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7. You will begin to see and appreciate your children in new ways. “I have LOVED this book so far!! There are so many takeaways but one that I never expected to be so eye opening was the idea that my children are humans, too. They should be valued and respected just like I would value and respect any other human. This seems so basic, but I have realized that when I turn into a Momster, that basic truth goes completely out the window in my own brain. If I can keep that at the forefront, then I can begin to stop myself in my tracks and tame the Momster before she ever rears her ugly head.” —Rachel
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8. You will get acquainted with your Bible and learn how to apply it to your daily life. “Becky has such a gift of being able to put Scripture to real life scenarios. She makes it all so relatable and easy to understand and actionable.” —Kari “The Scriptures have been such an amazing tool to get me refocused on God and calm me in those Momster moments.” —Kimberly “This book has amazing amounts of Scripture and biblical foundation. Becky has encouraged me to DO!!! Not just know Scripture, but live it out.” —Jillian
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9. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll feel all the feels. “So I made it all the way through not even the first paragraph before tears of empathy and commiseration fell.” —Bethany “I literally laughed and cried through every page.” —Heather “I love reading a book that makes you literally laugh out loud!!” —Jennine
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10. You will gain a friend, mentor, and sister in Christ—me. “Because Becky makes motherhood so relatable, I’m 100% more likely to learn and apply her solutions in the book. I love it!” –Jennine “Becky has a wonderful way of making cranky moms feel validated in their situations but challenges us to think and react differently. Take the challenge!” —Debra
    Instagram post 2069202990384179140_2005360423 "Discipline is a necessary part of parenting. How we deliver it makes all the difference." - Becky Kopitzke, The Cranky Mom Fix
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Learn more about The Cranky Mom Fix ➡️ crankymomfix.com
    Instagram post 2068762780588462009_2005360423 These girls. They've taught me so much about how to love and be loved. ❤️❤️❤️
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So grateful to my husband as well for his unwavering support of my writing ministry. It's not always easy having a wife/mom who's writing a book amongst all the other tasks of daily life, and this crew rocked it!
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