“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11).
She is gone. I packed her lunch, combed her hair, snapped a dozen pictures and kissed her goodbye. Then my beautiful redhead marched giddy and proud into her classroom. Her dad and I waved from the doorway to where she sat quietly in her new desk, flashing my favorite pretty smile and lifting her hand to wave back—and my little girl grew up before my eyes.
Kindergarten.
I dreaded this day all summer. In my mommy mind, kindergarten was a big green ugly monster coming to snatch my daughter away from her safe place. From me.
Here at home, we know her in detail—how she makes up praise songs, loves the color blue, gets skittish near bees, eats bologna but never on bread. Will kindergarten appreciate her like I do? Will the other kids be kind? What if she can’t open her milk carton or needs to use the bathroom during Spanish class? Will the monster care at all?
I moped around the house and blotted my eyes, watching the clock and wondering if it was snack time, reading time, science, music, recess. For five and a half years, my daughter was my day job. Now, she belongs to kindergarten.
She’s MINE, you big ugly beast! Spit her out! I want her back!
But then. Three o’ clock arrived and I stood in the swarm of parents eager to buckle their wandering hearts back into their minivans. I spied her face in a row of classmates. Her hair was disheveled, her expression tired. She scanned the room until our eyes locked, then she ran toward me, smiling.
“Momma!”
I scooped her up and hugged her tight. “How was your day? Did you love it?”
“Mom—it was the best day ever in my whole life! I want to go back and back and back for a hundred days!”
On the ride home, she rattled off happy tales of new friends, piano songs, the pledge of allegiance and monkey bars. Her voice was medicine for my aching heart. I felt my spirits shift from sadness to relief to assurance—that she was right where she needed to be.
Maybe the monster isn’t so ugly after all. Think less Incredible Hulk and more Herry from Sesame Street. A friendly monster.
Of course I’ve known that all along. But I felt like picking a fight, as if blaming kindergarten would somehow justify my struggle to let go. When my daughter’s enthusiasm showed me how school treated her, how it was already building her character and confidence after just one day, I conceded—letting go is the only choice I have. And it’s a good one.
Okay, kindergarten. You can have her. But only on weekdays until mid-afternoon, then I’m picking her out of your claws. This is not a shared custody deal; you’re just borrowing her, understand? All I ask is that you come to see how special she is, and help her to see it, too.
Oh, and give her a hand with those milk cartons every once in a while, would you? Meanwhile—I’ll be praying for you both.
Blessings,
Becky
Oh sounds like she had a fabulous time! I don’t even want to think about Kindergarten but I know the next few years will go by lightening fast and we will be there.
Yes, Mary Beth, everyone told me the years before school would fly by. Looking back, many days were so long… yet here we are and I’m wondering if I appreciated the preschool years enough while I had them. Of course, I’m still knee-deep in toddlerhood with my little bean, and I’m looking forward to our one-on-one time. There are silver linings to this kindergarten thing if I look for them.
By far my very favorite post! I had to hold back tears of joy, thinking and reading about her special first day. Thanks for sharing!
Awww, Amber, we love you! It takes a special person to handle the first day of kindergarten on the other side, as the teacher, with all those clingy parents to deal with. However do you do it? 🙂
Oh, Becky, I just sent my fourth born to k-garten and I feel like you scripted my heart on this post. Thanks for reminding me that this step into school isn’t a bad thing.. just a new thing. And for encouraging me to see the silver lining – time with my toddler who is OVERJOYED at the thought of having Mommy all to herself. Love your heart!
Beautifully said, Alicia – not a bad thing, just a new thing. We are settling into our “new normal” now. I hope you are, too! Enjoy this time with your toddler!
Aww, so sweet. I hope I can accept school taking my baby away too.
Enjoy the meanwhile. 🙂
Oh girl that post just made me dread when my daughter goes to kindergarten. And she is only ONE. Hahahaha. Newest follower via the mommy link up party!
Thanks so much for following! I can relate – when my kindergartener was three weeks old, I watched “Father of the Bride” and cried over the wedding scene, imagining the day I’d have to give my daughter away. Plenty of time for that!
Beautiful!!! And, from mom to mom, I’m so glad she enjoyed it! Makes it so much easier 🙂
Thanks, Crystal! It did make it so much easier. I can’t imagine what this is like for those moms whose child is reluctant to go to school. I’m counting my blessings.
Oh I’m so glad her first day went well! My daughter isn’t even born yet and I don’t want kindergarten to take her! I’m enjoying every stage as it comes:) Thanks for linking up with Mommy Moments Linky Party!
Yes, Faith – enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. And then do not let yourself or anyone else make you feel guilty for the days when you do NOT enjoy every moment. Motherhood is a rollercoaster ride, but God is our constant, ever-faithful seatbelt.
Yes! Wonderful post – brought me to tears and smiles simultaneously. Now, what THIS Mom needs to remember is that MIDDLE SCHOOL is not a big green ugly monster either. (At least I hope not. I think those lockers have teeth!)
Ugh – middle school! The very words make my heart beat faster. And yet, there are so many opportunities to blossom when they reach that stage, right? I’m so grateful God goes with our kids into those locker infested hallways. 🙂
Wow, full-day, huh? That IS an adjustment, for both of you. You painted to picture so well in this post. I really felt like I could see her expression after school and hear her saying she wanted to go back a hundred times! I’m happy for you both.
Yes, quite an adjustment. Yesterday she came home and crashed – fast asleep – for an hour and a half. This is my girl who has not napped since she turned 3. School is tiring work!
I’ve taught k before, but now, having my own toddler, I don’t know if I can ever do this day…beautiful post. 🙂
I admire kindergarten teachers, Michy. It takes a special person. Thank you for reading!
This brings back “first day of school” memories that I have of all three of my sons. But I remember the first one’s experience so much more vividly, since he did NOT do well with the Kindergarten monster! But soon, he was just like your sweet, daughter … having the time of his life. Great post, Becky!
I’m so glad to hear your son’s monster turned out to be friendly, too, Beth!
I’m so glad that her first day was so great. I didn’t have quite as hard of a time letting my eldest go – we’d been sending him to a Parents’ Day Out program for the previous two years. But seeing him actually sitting at a table instead of playing on the floor, knowing that he was going to be learning things I’d never done at that age, worrying that my overweight, sensitive, glasses-wearing boy would be picked on by the other kids for being different, wondering if they would believe that he really could read as well as he could… so many unknowns that just run through your mind. The first day of kindergarten is always the hardest.
I hope you, and she, have a wonderful remainder of the year.
Thank you, Amber! Yes, I can relate to all those thoughts running through a mom’s mind… wondering if everyone will see the special and the beautiful inside my child. It’s so familiar to me – I want it to shine for others, too!
So glad she had a wonderful first day!
So glad it’s going great! I love that verse. It’s one of my all time favorites!!
I just shared this on FB. My little one is not in Kindergarten yet, she’ll be 2yrs. old next month, but I still cried my stupid eyes out! 🙂
Thanks for sharing, Melly Ann!
Becky, I read your post last week–did I not leave a comment?? I thought I did.
Less Hulk and more Herry, huh? Love the way you think, girl.
So glad you’re not going to have to slay a big green monster. But fasten your seat belt–you’re on a ride that moves fast!!