Becky Kopitzke

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If You Give a Mom a Minute

August 6, 2012

I steal from my children. The loot is nothing tangible—I don’t swipe quarters from their piggy banks or cookies off their lunch plates.

What I steal is more valuable.

Time.

Bit by bit, I snatch it—in increments of just a minute.

If You Give a Mom a Minute

“Mom, can I please have a cup of juice with my breakfast?”

Sure, sweetheart, just give me a minute.

“Come see my picture, Momma! I colored it for you!”

Wonderful! I’ll be there in a minute.

“Mom, I need your help. I can’t pull the cap off my glue stick.”

Okay, just a minute.

“Will you read me this book, Momma? Please?”

Just a minute—I need to finish emptying the dishwasher. While stacking plates, I notice crumbs scattered around the toaster, so I wipe the counter. When I hang the dishcloth on the faucet, I see the sink needs scrubbing, which reminds me I’m almost out of paper towels, so I sit down to write out the shopping list. Shopping makes me think about the checkbook, so I flip open my laptop and pay a few bills online. And since I’m already at the computer, I might as well send a quick e-mail to my sister.

“Mom? Did you forget about my juice?”

Oops. If you give a mom a minute—she’ll take twenty. Then minutes add up to hours, and hours add up to days spent investing in my own preoccupations rather than my children.

Should a mom be her child’s slave? No. Delayed gratification can teach young ones patience and selflessness. But I’m not talking about unreasonable demands here. When my kids ask for juice or books, they’re really asking for something else.

They want me.

My attention. My affirmation. My love. They want to feel safe.

I am their safe place.

“Those who fear the LORD are secure; he will be a refuge for their children,” (Proverbs 14:26, NLT).

How many times a day do I say “just a minute”? Too many. It’s my default reply. But not anymore. I’m determined to switch this around. From now on, instead of stealing minutes, I’m going to grant them.

Yes, I will bring you that juice—because it’s only going to cost me a minute.

Sure, I can help with that glue stick. It’ll interrupt my dishes for just a little minute.

I’d love to read that book. My to-do list can pause for a minute—or twenty—because that’s all it really takes to make you feel important.

You are my priority. You are my heart. More often than I allow, everything else can wait just a minute.

“Hey, sweetie, your sister and I are going to read library books. Want to join us?” I stood in my five-year-old daughter’s bedroom doorway and smiled. She knelt on the rug, surrounded by dollhouse furniture. I watched her ponytail swish back and forth while she slid a plastic dining table into place.

“Sure, Mom, but I’m kind of busy. I’ll be there in just a minute.”

Ah. Heaven help me.

Blessings,
Becky

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Filed Under: Chores, Dying to Self, Growing Pains, Household, Mom Mess-ups, Parenting, Personal Growth & Faith, Priorities, Raising Young Kids

Comments

  1. Alicia says

    August 6, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Oh, my goodness, my stomach is in a tangle after reading this post. I’m notorious for ‘stealing minutes’.. this is convicting. Love your writing style and your honesty. Signing off to give my kids more than a minute of my time now 🙂 We’re neighbors at L.L’s today

    • Becky says

      August 6, 2012 at 4:25 pm

      Thanks for reading, Alicia! I’m losing count of how many times I’ve stifled a “just a minute” since writing this post. It’s been convicting for me, too!

  2. Anonymous says

    August 6, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    So you know that’s why being the “auntie” is so fun……because when they are here they can have lots of minutes! Now my own kids….that’s another story! And doesn’t in make you happy to know that God doesn’t say “just a minute”. So proud of the wisdom God is giving you Becky!

    • Becky says

      August 6, 2012 at 4:28 pm

      Oh, I love that thought – God doesn’t say “just a minute.” Praising God for aunties!

  3. Beth says

    August 6, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Ah, the life of a young mom! It’s never ending! But I so appreciate your sensitivity to your children’s need for “you” and your attention. This is a great reminder to us all to make the time for our loved ones while we can. Great post, Becky!

    • Becky says

      August 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm

      Thank you, Beth. I’m determined to get a handle on this before my kids decide I’m not cool enough to be worthy of their time. I don’t want those “just a minutes” to come back to bite me someday!

  4. Amber Unger says

    August 6, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Thanks for the wonderful post and reminder of WHY I’m home and not working right now: my little guy needs me! I will try to remember this when I get frustrated when he wants to be held so often. 🙂

    • Becky says

      August 6, 2012 at 6:17 pm

      Amber, I know exactly the stage you’re in… and it can be frustrating, beautiful, and tear-jerking all at the same time. There are days when the laundry just needs to get done, right? But imagine, someday they won’t want us to hold them anymore. You’re a wonderful mommy!

  5. BeaumontGirl says

    August 6, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    So glad I found your blog through Life of Faith mommy Moments 🙂 I really enjoyed this post.

    http://thebees3.blogspot.com/

  6. Learning to play and playing to learn says

    August 6, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    That is a lovely post. I have never said “just a minute” however I will say “Mummy is coming and take more than a minute” from now on I will go straight away. Thank you for the eye opener.

  7. Angie says

    August 7, 2012 at 2:58 am

    Good post! My daughter is grown and has gone out more or less on her own but this is definitely an area I hold some regret in. They grow so fast! Grab every minute you can 🙂

  8. Sarah Berken says

    August 7, 2012 at 3:11 am

    Ditto to everyone’s previous comments, Becky! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us moms are living and feeling, Becky!! You have such a gift.

    • Becky says

      August 10, 2012 at 1:48 am

      Thank you, Sarah! I really appreciate your encouragement, and your time – thank you for taking “just a minute” to read these posts!

  9. Faith Konrath says

    August 7, 2012 at 3:40 am

    This is great! Thanks for linking up with Mommy Moments:)

    http://the-life-of-faith.blogspot.com/2012/08/mommy-moments-link-up.html

  10. Deanna says

    August 7, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Great post! Such an important reminder that we lose precious time with our kids when we put them on the back burner. I love this line: “My to-do list can pause for a minute—or twenty—because that’s all it really takes to make you feel important.” I’m writing that down and posting it by my computer…the place I often tell Gavin “in a minute.”

    • Becky says

      August 10, 2012 at 1:47 am

      Oh, how encouraging to know that line spoke to you, Deanna. Thank you for telling me that!

  11. bloggingmumof3 says

    August 8, 2012 at 9:06 am

    so so true. should print this out

  12. Christine says

    August 8, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    I am so guilty of this. It’s true – give a mom a minute and she’ll take 20. It is about giving our kids the attention and love that they deserve, not the half-focused moment while I’m handing them a drink or snack while staring at my computer the whole time. Thanks for the reminder.

    • Becky says

      August 10, 2012 at 1:46 am

      Darn computers. A friend told me once that she has a note taped to her computer screen, “Walk Away!”

  13. Carolyn Y says

    August 8, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Wow, this is spot on and brilliant.
    Thanks for a great reminder. I’ll try to live in the moment, not in the next minute.

  14. Julie says

    August 8, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    We don’t have kids but my hubby and I do this to each other all the time!

    Stopping by from Shell’s PYHO 🙂

    • Becky says

      August 10, 2012 at 1:44 am

      Oh, so do we! How funny (and really not funny at all). 🙂 Thanks for visiting!

  15. Laura Boggess says

    August 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Smile, Becky :). We have so many things that pull us, don’t we? It sounds so familiar…

  16. The Anecdotal Baby says

    August 8, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    Great post! I’m working on not being so guilty of this… you’re absolutely right when you said “When my kids ask for juice or books, they’re really asking for something else. They want me.” Knowing how fast the time goes I’m working hard to relish in those moments; putting aside some of the trivial (wiping off countertops, vacuuming) things of life that I can certainly find another time for. Thanks for this.

    Stopping by from PYHO.

    • Becky says

      August 10, 2012 at 1:44 am

      Thanks for stopping by from Shell’s place!

  17. Adrienne says

    August 8, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    I really needed this read this today. I find myself saying “Give me a minute” ALL DAY LONG, and you’re absolutely right. They need me not my service! Excellent post!

  18. Shell says

    August 8, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    I’m constantly telling mine “In a minute…” or “Just five more minutes…” and I never mean it. I always mean longer. And it’s not fair. Even though I’m usually working when I say that or taking care of something that needs doing- my kids shouldn’t always be the ones to have to wait.

  19. Michelle says

    August 9, 2012 at 1:23 am

    What a great post! Definitely thought provoking! I am definitely going to work on this!
    Michelle
    http://normalchaosforamultitaskmom.blogspot.com/2012/08/stab-stab-goes-dagger-in-my-heart.html

  20. Liberty says

    August 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    ditto on this realization!! i despise hearing myself say “just a sec” and their exasperated answer “It’s been more than a second!”
    working on it…
    Thanks for commenting at 16 balls – you can order chia on amazon or vitacost or pick some up at wholefoods or any decent health food store.
    Many blessings on your new beginning!

    • Becky says

      August 10, 2012 at 1:43 am

      Thanks, Liberty! I’ll look for it at my local organic shop.

  21. thisgalsjourney says

    August 9, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Oh, how I can sadly relate to this post!

  22. Leah aka FFPMaMMa says

    August 9, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Ouch…that is me! Our time is spread so thin. While I may not be able to do it 100% of the time, I can at least try to do it a few times a day. That is me extending grace to myself with what I know I might be able to handle.

    • Becky says

      August 10, 2012 at 1:42 am

      Grace is the key, Leah. You are wise. 🙂

  23. leadinggodsgeneration says

    August 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    What a great perspective of where my focus should be! Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
    Michelle

  24. Richella says

    August 9, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    Amazing how your words will come out of their mouths, isn’t it?? Bless you as you work to make yourself available to your kids. May we all accept that challenge–while there’s still time!!

    • Becky says

      August 10, 2012 at 1:41 am

      Ugh, yes, I so often discover my own failings only when I see my kids adopting them. It’s endless raw material for prayer (and writing), that’s for sure!

  25. Erica {let why lead} says

    August 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    I love how this one was written. It just flowed so well. I don’t mind too much, making my kids wait here and there, because most things in life don’t come quickly. But I do love the reminder of priorities. Never letting them feel less important than the bills and my inbox. Have a great weekend, Becky!

    • Becky says

      August 10, 2012 at 1:38 am

      You, too, Erica! I hope you can get a much-needed break from your own to-do list!

  26. Mommy Inconsistent says

    August 10, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Great post! I too am guilty of the “just a minutes” and hear it back from both my sons. You’re right though, the dishes can wait and most of the other things too that keep us from fully enjoying our kids in the moment. (Visiting from #pyho)

  27. Charlene Long says

    August 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Wonderful write. Thank you for that perspective, I too am quilty of stealing minutes!!

  28. Camille says

    August 14, 2012 at 1:04 am

    I identify with this post so much! I do the “just a minute” thing a little too often myself.

  29. Sara Amerine says

    August 15, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    While reading this I thought to myself, “I do that too.” I agree that kids need to wait occasionally, but this post was a nice reminder about priorities. I won’t feel so bad when I don’t finish the dishes because I was too busy playing. 🙂

    I’m a new follower and absolutely LOVE everything I’ve read so far. I can’t wait for more. 🙂

    • Becky says

      August 15, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      Thank you, Sara! I’m so happy to have you along for the ride!

  30. Michy (lovingourjourney.com) says

    August 16, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Becky, you have SUCH a gift from God with your writing ability….this is beautiful. Thank you and thanks for linking up again!!!!!!!!
    Many blessings! I look forward to your work every week!

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Meet Becky.

If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

We need each other. I'm so glad you're here.

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