I suffer from a common condition. It’s called “shoulditis”—otherwise known as I should do that disease.
Symptoms flare up under the most ordinary circumstances.
When my friend calls to say she’s taking a Zumba class, I think of how long it’s been since my Nikes hit the gym, and my own voice whispers in my head, I should do that.
When I scroll through Facebook and see a dozen photos of cutesy craft projects other moms created with their children, I’m deflated. I should do that.
When my parenting magazine plugs a recipe for brownies using hidden carrot puree, I think of the Duncan Hines box stashed in my cupboard. Carrots are way healthier. I should do that.
Vacation plans. Extreme couponing. Colon-cleansing diets. Reading lists, scrapbooks, chore charts and hand-sewn purses. Clown-face pancakes, for crying out loud. She does it! I should do it, too!
But I can’t do everything, can I?
And that is the pain of shoulditis. It assumes I’m supposed to be someone else—or a hundred someone elses. My spirit inflames with an impossible itch to be as clever, resourceful, energetic, artsy and self-disciplined as those other women.
Reality check. They can’t do everything, either.
We all have our own things—our talents, interests, commitments, priorities. Yours aren’t better than mine, and mine aren’t better than yours. They’re just different.
Why? Because God is fantastically creative, and he gave us each a unique blend of gifts. Trying to do it all is a waste of time. It’s like saying God got it wrong. On the flip side, doing what he created us to do—that’s worship.
“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone,” (1 Corinthians 12:4–6, ESV).
So. Let’s slap some salve on that shoulditis, shall we? (Say that five times fast.)
The antidote is: I should NOT do that.
When the neighbors rent a mega bounce house for their son’s birthday party, I will tell myself, I should NOT do that. My girls have winter birthdays, anyway. We can’t fit a bounce house in the kitchen.
When my friend signs up for a half marathon. Good for her! But I should NOT do that. Stroller walks are more my pace.
When that sweet lady in the church choir raves about her make-ahead freezer meals. I should definitely NOT do that. This momma prefers to spend Sunday afternoon running through the sprinkler. I will grab my chicken patties from the supermarket and call them dinner.
So let’s all agree—you should do what you do, and I should do what I do, and together we will create a supportive, well-rounded community of women who love what they do and really can do it all—collectively.
Amen?
Now I hope you’ll pardon me, but I must sign off. It’s time to work on my photo books. I know, I know—Shutterfly isn’t your cup of tea. You just keep reading that Shakespeare or knitting your washcloths, my friends. No worries. We were made for different things.
If this post encouraged you, please pass it on. You might also like How a Wiggles Movie Changed My Life, Don’t Lie to Me, and When You Want What They Have.
Linking up with: The Better Mom, Titus 2sdays, Domestically Divine Tuesday, Living Well Wednesdays, Grace at Home, Things I Can’t Say, Thought Provoking Thursday and Faithfully Parenting Fridays.
The evil shoulds! They often push us to make foolish choices as we attempt to keep up with other moms.
I agree-we need to do what works best for us and our family.
Making photo books? Oh, I am so there with you! I just love, love, love being able to give them as gifts. Have you ever tried Picaboo? They are my new favorite book company. They are more money than Shutterfly, but I find their interface better and much faster. They do offer deals, too.
I have not heard of Picaboo, Kim – thanks for the tip! I’ll check it out! After a couple years of stashing piles of prints in boxes, hoping I’d eventually organize them into albums, I discovered photo books and love, love, love them, too!
Hi Becky! I just started following your blog and this one hit me today after feeling like I’m accomplishing nothing I SHOULD be with three little kids and a house to take care of each day. Thanks for your insight!
Hi, Dana! It’s so fun to see you here! Thank you for reading along. Together we can keep slashing those “should” expectations. Will I see you at Moms and More in the fall? I hope you’ll join us again!
Thank you for your words, Becky. You are a very talented writer. I freelance for @Affinity magazine and have read some of your stories.
Thursdays will work again for me now that I am no longer at UW Oshkosh. After our third was born driving to Oshkosh after making three stops in the morning no longer seemed feasible. Let alone that it would be physically impossible for me 🙂 So I am working from home a few hours a week.
Hope to see you soon!
I could talk for hours about the transition to working from home. We’re in that boat together. It’s great to reconnect with you, Dana! Hope to see you on Thursdays this fall for sure!
Amen! I struggle the most with not wanting to get on the floor and play with my kids more. I feel guilty about the fact that I don’t want to push trains around a wooden track and make playdough pancakes all day. I guess I’m not as much of a kid at heart as I would like to be! But I try to remind myself that I take my kids on a lot of fun outings to the park and splash pads (etc), so maybe that’s just what I’m made for. Thanks for helping me (us!) feel understood!
You are not alone, Erica! I hear a lot of mom friends say the exact same thing – myself included. In our house, Daddy does a lot more down and dirty play time than I do. He’s even been known to comb a My Pretty Pony tail or two, God bless him!
I needed to hear this today Becky. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks for reading, friend. 🙂
Becky I have been reading your blog for sometime now and just love it. You are very creative. This one really hit home for me, even though I am no longer a young Mom with kids at home, and older Mom (like myself) found alot of truth in it.
Thank you for your kind encouragement, Irene. Your comment blesses me! I love knowing women of all ages can relate and support one another through our heart challenges. So glad you chose to read with me here!
I appreciate this so much. As a working mom of three children (who also happens to be finishing her Bachelors degree), I’m constantly plagued by the feeling that I should do and be more. I see so many wonderful things that other mom’s do in their homes, with their children, for their husbands, and all it does is make me feel remarkably inadequate. I had this conversation with my husband last night, as a matter of fact. Your words could not have been better timed for me. Thank you!
Inadequate – toss that word from a mom’s vocabulary! Blessings to you, Alissa!
Thanks for reminding me that I don’t have to do all those things on Pinterest and I don’t have to wear the latest fashions, knit my own sweaters, or milk my own goat because that is not how God made me. Thank the Lord we are all different and have our own unique gifts!
Blessings to you! Visiting from Domestically Divine.
Oh, definitely not the goat! 🙂 Thanks for visiting, Keri!
Love this post! I will think of it next time I find myself thinking, “I should do that.” 🙂
Oh how easy it is to fall into the trap of, “I should!” Thanks for reminding us that we are different – unique and perfect in his eyes.
This is a post that I NEEDED right about now. Thank you for the reminder that all I SHOULD be doing is being my very best ME, and not worrying about stacking up to anyone else.
(Visiting from PYHO)
I really like the ideas in this post. It’s almost freeing to read because to some extent we ALL do suffer with these thoughts. I think because we are such a competition based culture with blogs and FB and even normal conversation revolves often around how much we do and accomplish. It’s hard, even for the most non-competitive person not to feel some anxiety or regrets about all that they aren’t doing. I know I have a lot more peace about my life and how I live it when I am offline.:) I think that’s fairly telling.:)
Telling indeed, Colleen. And living offline in an increasinly online world is harder and harder to do!
Great post! One thing that we all SHOULD DO is encourage each other in the talents that God has given us – not tear each other down because “she doesn’t do what I do”. My sis-in-law is a fabulous quilter – I am not! She has tried to encourage me along those lines but instead has given up on that and now encourages me in my area of scrapbooking and working with photos! And I admire her quilts and tell her so – but I don’t see myself making one any time soon!
Amen, Denise!
I suffer from shoulditis too and I love your take on it, I will absolutely try the should not approach now, thanks!
Love this post!!
Oh, I have a dorky smile on my face and am thankful nobody is here to know. You have such a fun writing voice and I needed the laugh. I’m suffering with the same disease. I’m hoping to find the antidote at CVS when I’m picking up some m&ms and watching all my friends, coupons in hand, scoring free items.
Ha! And a dorky smile on my face back at’cha, Pamela! Your comment made me laugh, too. M&M’s all around, sister.
I absolutely love this post. We all have our shoulds but we can’t do everything nor should we try. We’d all go crazy! Lol. Great post!
Oh boy. This post is spot on. I think this is one of satan’s favorite tricks to use against women, who often feel they “aren’t enough”. So glad you realize that you ARE enough and created by God to do just what he has planned for you. Great encouragement!
AMEN! LOVE this post! I come down with shoulditis too often, though I try so hard to avoid it. We absolutely each have our own things we were meant to do. Though I do think we should all run through the sprinkler more 😉
I definitely agree with you, Tricia. Sprinklers for all. 🙂
Love this, Becky! I need to adopt your mantra: “I should NOT do that.” Mercy, I suffer from shoulditis like you wouldn’t believe. Long-lived case. NSAIDs not effective against this particular malady. There’s hope, though: once believed to be treatable but incurable, recent studies have shown that good old-fashioned grace works wonders in the treatment of shoulditis. Thank God.
Yes, thank God! Grace is abundant and easy to swallow. You and I can both be cured yet, Richella.
Love this! What a great post. I’m still giggling about knitting washcloths. I should NOT do that 🙂
How I love this! I suffer from the I shoulds, too. And I know I should NOT. We all do things differently and have our different strengths- none of us can do it all!
I think you were reading my mind with this post! Great job and gosh, I feel the same way! I was just thinking to myself I should be doing… and I should have done this earlier and all I can really think is I just want to stop and do nothing and enjoy life. I found you through the pour your heart out post and it was just what i needed to hear! Gotta start following you!
Ah…it is so hard for me to let go of this concept…every day…hubby oftene tells me, It is what it is…
just to relax…
great post again!
🙂 Thanks for linking up again!!!!!
I absolutely LOVED LOVED LOVED this! Im a ” I should go do that” Momma… I guilty myself every day… lol. awesome post
Great post as usual. I loved this!
Blessings,
Nykiah 🙂