She mounted the twisted iron ladder to the monkey bars. “Be careful!” I yelled to my five-year-old. Surely she could slip and smack her face into the rungs.
Later, she danced in the living room, twirling to her heart’s content. “Be careful,” I warned. “You’ll get dizzy.” In my mind, every piece of furniture stood waiting to collide with her head.
At dinner time, she asked to pour the milk herself. I promise I won’t spill, she said. “Alright,” and yet the caution flag flew out of my mouth for the hundredth time that day. “Please—be careful.”
What am I so afraid of?
My momma bear instincts run deep and wide. I sniff out danger at every turn, fiercely protecting my cubbies from threats both real and imagined. Hey, I’m a mom—it’s my job, I tell you! God entrusted these children to my care, and I am determined not to mess it up.
So I teach my kids to be cautious. But do they also know how to be brave?
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline,” (2 Timothy 1:7).
If your goal is to raise a timid child, l can offer a few tips—from experience:
• Say “be careful” more than you say “I believe in you.”
• Pray for your child’s safety more than you pray for her character.
• Fear the world more than you trust God.
Terrible, isn’t it? I am fanatic about keeping my children safe. I want to spare them pain. Yet, beneath my anxious surface, what I really want most for them is faith—to love and follow Christ with unswerving devotion. That kind of life is meaningful beyond measure, but it may not necessarily be safe.
Sometimes, God asks us to take risks. Bold faith requires stretching beyond what’s comfortable or certain. What if God’s plan for my daughters involves traveling to faraway places? What if it involves chasing an impossible dream or discovering a cure for cancer or jumping out of airplanes?
What if they are to become mothers themselves? Such a calling is not for the faint of heart. My girls are going to need some serious moxie.
How will they get it if I never let them taste adventure?
She looked both ways then pedaled into the street. My eyes shifted from my daughter’s training wheels to the line of cars idled at the stoplight. Those automatic words burned on my tongue—be careful!—but this time I squelched them and delivered a different message instead.
“You did it, sweetheart! You’re getting really good at riding your bike. You are so brave.”
I wish I could say the same thing about myself. Caution and timidity are comfy old pals, but I’m working on befriending my spirit of power. With God’s help, my kids will not learn fear from their mother’s example.
We’re going to find our courage together.
Blessings,
Becky
I was the mom who saw danger around every corner. Fortunately, my husband was a great balance to that so our girls didn’t grow up afraid of too much!
I love the focus on teaching our children to be brave. That is a big part of their character. Thanks for this thoughtful post!
Yes, my husband is the one to encourage adventure, too, Kim! I’m grateful for the way we balance each other. If it weren’t for him, our kids would be wearing bubble wrap to the playground for sure.
Same here! Without my husband my kids wouldn’t even be allowed to swing!!
Kristen @ Trial & Error Homemaking
This made me tear up. Love, Love, LOVE your blogs Becky. I haven’t read one in a while…. so glad I came back! 🙂 🙂
Hey, cous! It’s great to hear from you here. I was just thinking about you this weekend. Hugs to you and your beautiful kiddos. I’m so glad you came back, too!
Your blog is one of my favorites. I just love how you write and relate your readers!
Thank you, Ashley. I take that compliment much to heart!
Why oh why is it so much simpler to be cautious and even downright fearful than it is to be brave? I’m glad you’re taking notice of the need to cultivate courage in your sweet little darlings.
I’m slaying my fear monsters daily, Monica. You, too? I love hearing from you!
Wow Becky, have you been spying on me? You are describing me to a tee…YIKES! Thank you so much for this post. Now I’m beginning to understand why my kids have so many apprehensions…Lord help me!
It’s so good to know we’re not alone, isn’t it? Lord help us all! 🙂
I loved this post! My mom’s safety instincts are fierce, more like those you describe here. I literally thought she might throw up for a second there when she was visiting last week and saw my three-year-old on his bike (sans training) wheels for the first time. I think her strong protective instinct made me go a bit the other way with my boys, which is probably why they are ALWAYS sporting some new bruise or big scrape. (My two-year-old has a black eye right now, from a collision with a piece of furniture!)
I do love seeing my boys be brave, even if it is just over something small, like climbing a mock rock wall at a park.
Btw, that Timothy verse has always been one of my favorites.
I do love that verse, too, Erica. It reminds me that fear is not God’s plan for me. And the black eye – poor little man! But I’ll bet it hardly fazes him, does it? I admire your ability to let your kids explore. I’m getting better…slowly.
So simple and obvious and yet so profound and powerful, Becky. Thanks for sharing a much needed message!
Thanks for reading, Beth!
Ah… I understand this so well. We have a toddler baby — 8 years apart from the one before her and 16 years apart from our oldest — so she really is the baby. Well, I thought she was born fearless — in fact, she might have been — ready for any adventure her little life might bring. But she has learned fear now, and is learning it more and more. As I watch her, I remember a message I heard about that and they said “Fear is taught.”
I am with you on this… I do not want to be the one to hold my children back from any adventure God may have planned for them — simply because I instilled fear — by my own cautiousness and trepidation.
Great wisdom here… hopping over form Women Living Well… Love your smile 🙂
Michele-Lyn
If fear is taught, then courage can be taught, too, right? My youngest also shows some signs of fearlessness – so I want to channel that for good purposes, not squash it. Thanks for stopping over from WLW!
So good, I needed this!
Thanks, Margo!
Oh, wow…you just stepped on my toes a little bit with that one! Thank you for such a great reminder and challenge. The next time I start in with yet another, “be careful”, I’m going to think of this. Wonderful post!
Gently stepped on, I hope, Becky! We are in this together. I’ve been monitoring my own “be carefuls” lately, too. It’s amazing how many times I want to say it! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!
You’re going to find courage together. YES! There you go, Mom!
My middle son will be 19 years old this Sunday. He’s one of the bravest guys I’ve ever known–had major open-heart surgery when he was just 14, and that’ll help you develop courage!–but I still say “Be careful” whenever he heads off in his car. And he answers the same way every time: “I always am.” 🙂
And you are a brave mom, Richella. I look forward to the day when my girls can give me that standard reply!
Love this! Glad I found your blog while crusing the net 🙂
Welcome, Lynn! Thank you for joining us here!
What a fabulous reminder to allow our kids to make mistakes. Thank you.
WOW! You made me cry! This was so good, and so encouraging. I could relate to it all too well… darn it! That line caught me off guard. “Do they also know how to be brave?” Thanks!
I am struggling with this right now, my very timid 5-yr-old has me so frustrated sometimes. The things she would do just a year ago, she is now too scared to do. This is a great reminder that I need to give her freedom to fail sometimes and it’s ok to have bruises and water in her eyes. And God has made her unique, normal is boring anyway!
This is GREAT and very well written. Thank you so much for letting the Lord share through you:) And thank you for linking up with me for Mommy Moments!
I always have to bite my tongue to stop from being overprotective too. It’s hard but once you let go a bit, you see that nothing bad really happens. They may get a bump or scrape, but they are fine in a few seconds!
Great post! My 11 month old is going to be a crazy one. Already jumping off the couch and looking for trouble.
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Totally guilty of praying for their safety more than their character, at least for 3 of the kids. I never thought about it that way! I am definitely in no danger of raising any timid children!