Becky Kopitzke

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How to Put Yourself in Your Child’s Shoes

November 12, 2019

When your child makes a mistake, how do you respond?

When he comes home with a poor grade, a note from the coach, a detention slip—what do you say?

Or when she bursts into tears over the mean girl drama happening at school—do you listen to her heart, or just her words?

And when your kids get excited over something you don’t understand, cheer for something you think is dumb, or desire something you believe (from your mature point of view) isn’t worth pursuing—how do you relate?

As parents, it’s our job to supply the support, training, guidance and accountability our kids need, at every stage of their lives. What’s the best way to do that?

It starts with putting ourselves in their shoes.

Here’s how.

Remember yourself at their age—True, not many of us can recall our own toddlerhood, but I sure remember being in middle school. High school. Third grade, even. Do you? Try thinking back to your own juvenile perspective and realize you probably weren’t any wiser than your children are. Not only that, but also consider what you valued and how you viewed friends, family, school, expectations and rules. Then empathize from that place of understanding. Kids are not adults. They don’t possess our logic, our self-control, or our hindsight. So let’s be careful not to parent under presumptions that our children know what they don’t know.

Seek to understand their world—Get to know your children’s friends, teachers, classroom, youth group, sports team or daycare environment. Consider the pressures they’re facing, which in many cases are more intense than the pressures we faced at their age. Social media and what I call “youth specialization” (pressure to choose and excel in a particular sport or activity from a young age) are just two factors coloring a child’s reality today that most of us didn’t have to navigate when we were young. The more we understand our kids’ environment, the better we can communicate with wisdom rather than ignorance or speculation.

Pray—Finally but never least of all, let’s always and constantly lift our children up to the Lord. The Holy Spirit can reveal insight that we are not capable of deducing on our own. Remember God loves our kids even more than we do, and what He allows in their lives is somehow going to work out for their good—and even ours. Perhaps one of the reasons He gives us kids is so we can learn to be more like God, the Father of us all. Let’s never stop asking Him for wisdom.

“Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God.” (Proverbs 2:3–5, NLT)

Blessings,
Becky

What to Read Next: My Single Smartest Rule for Parenting Well

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    If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

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    📚Author of The Supermom Myth & Generous Love
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Do you wish you could understand how God and the Bible apply to your life... but you struggle to figure it out?
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How are we supposed to do all the things, be all the things, and manage ALL THE THINGS without getting crabby, fed up, or burned out?
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Great questions. Maybe what you need right now is a wise friend... a mentor and coach who can help you sort it all out, point you to God's Word and help you discover what it looks like to apply His truths to your daily choices and responsibilities. Someone who won't criticize or judge you but instead stand beside you, validate your struggles, and then inspire and equip you to move through them with practical and biblically sound tips, accountability, and lots of prayer.
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That's what I do.
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This fall, I have two openings for one-on-one coaching and mentoring. This is an opportunity to work intimately together, growing closer to Jesus through Scripture resources and Christ-centered conversations so that you can get a handle on the things that trip you up. If you're ready to invest in a relationship that will point you to God and hold you there—with plenty of room for laughter, tears, doubts and questions—then I'd love to work with you one-on-one this fall.
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Only two spots are available. All the details are on my website at beckykopitzke.com/one-on-one-coaching-and-mentoring. I invite you to apply for one of these limited coaching/mentoring client spots. I can't wait to get to know you one-on-one!
    Instagram post 2099708763774036642_2005360423 Spending sweet time with my baby girl... who is now long gone from her baby days. Summer, we love you. Fourth grade can wait. We have popsicles to slurp.
    Instagram post 2093151453752673218_2005360423 Raising older kids has its blessings. Seeing my daughters invest in younger ones is an encouragement of eternal proportions. They will carry on the call of raising disciples.
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    Instagram post 2075968304522458287_2005360423 “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.” - Psalm 127:3-5
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Raise your hand if this sounds familiar, and know that I’m raising my hand right along with you, sister, because I’ve been there too. 🙋🏻
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But as a women's author, Christian blogger, and (semi) seasoned-momma, I felt the need to actually DO something about it! So I've created a FREE Resource Library for moms just like you! In this space you’ll find a unique collection of free, easily downloadable resources designed to solve common parenting issues, add some fun back into the day-to-day routine, and provide some much-needed encouragement for a momma's heart.
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So take a 2-minute "mom break" (or at the very least save the link for when the kids are asleep) and go check it out — I really think you'll love what you find. Simply click the link in my profile and choose "Free Mom Resources" to sign up! .
Psst! If you're still not sure if these resources will be helpful for you, here's a few examples of what you'll find in the Resource Library:
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👉🏻 Stop Yelling! A Five-Day Guidebook for Moms
👉🏻 30 Creative Solutions to 7 Common Parenting Problems
👉🏻 20 Questions to Help Your Kids Get Along
👉🏻 Screen Time Tickets for Kids and Tweens
👉🏻 30 Ideas for Family Fun When You Don't Know What to Do
👉🏻 20 Household Worship Games for the Entire Family
👉🏻 How to Pray for Your Husband from Head to Toe
    Instagram post 2072310361256014584_2005360423 Local friends...raise your hand if you will be going to Lifest this summer! (hand raise emoji) I'll be speaking on "Living the Glorious Mom Life" on the Pit Stage on Saturday, July 13th. If you are there I'd love for you to stop by, listen, and say hello!
    Instagram post 2071634573409955710_2005360423 In my newest book, The Cranky Mom Fix, in the second chapter we talk about recognizing our triggers that taunt that cranky "Momster" to rear her ugly head. We discuss how to pinpoint the areas we need to turn our eyes and ears toward as we start to put this beast back her in place. One way to explore this is by reading 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 and replacing the word "love" with your name. For example — Becky is patient, Becky is kind. Becky does not envy, Becky does not boast, Becky is not proud, etc. Can you recite that with confidence? Or are there maybe some areas that trip you up and give you pause? Try this yourself and then leave me a ✔️ when you've done this for yourself!
    Instagram post 2070867301619765627_2005360423 Summer is my favorite season. Ever since my girls entered school, I’ve come to treasure these fleeting sunshine days—free from classroom routines, after-school commitments, homework and social drama.
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Don’t get me wrong; we love our school, and I’m grateful for the hardworking teachers who pour their love and energy into my daughters day after day. School is a great blessing in our lives. And by the time June rolls around, our dear teachers deserve a break even more than we do. Summer is a beautiful thing—for everyone. But...
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Something strange is happening now that my girls are growing older. This weird dichotomy of emotions bubbles up within me when I see my daughters stand on stage at the year-end ceremony and hug their teachers goodbye. On one hand, I’m relieved and elated and eager to have them home on summer rest.
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Yet there’s this other hand that shows up now, and it slaps my heart in a tender space. Summer no longer means just popsicles and pool parties and wearing PJs ‘til noon. Now it also signifies change, growth, and time closing in.
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I blinked and suddenly there’s a seventh grader living in my house. Seventh grade. That’s only six years from high school graduation. Six years from your job is done here, mother woman. Peace out. How can that be?
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To read the rest of this post, click the link in my profile and choose "Featured Blog Post"
    Instagram post 2069389800766766265_2005360423 Reviews are starting to roll in from my book launch team...a few days ago I shared with you what fellow moms have to say about The Cranky Mom Fix — the reviews just keep coming, so here are 5 MORE reasons why you should read The Cranky Mom Fix!
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And if you’re looking for more information on The Cranky Mom Fix, visit the link in my profile!
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7. You will begin to see and appreciate your children in new ways. “I have LOVED this book so far!! There are so many takeaways but one that I never expected to be so eye opening was the idea that my children are humans, too. They should be valued and respected just like I would value and respect any other human. This seems so basic, but I have realized that when I turn into a Momster, that basic truth goes completely out the window in my own brain. If I can keep that at the forefront, then I can begin to stop myself in my tracks and tame the Momster before she ever rears her ugly head.” —Rachel
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8. You will get acquainted with your Bible and learn how to apply it to your daily life. “Becky has such a gift of being able to put Scripture to real life scenarios. She makes it all so relatable and easy to understand and actionable.” —Kari “The Scriptures have been such an amazing tool to get me refocused on God and calm me in those Momster moments.” —Kimberly “This book has amazing amounts of Scripture and biblical foundation. Becky has encouraged me to DO!!! Not just know Scripture, but live it out.” —Jillian
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9. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll feel all the feels. “So I made it all the way through not even the first paragraph before tears of empathy and commiseration fell.” —Bethany “I literally laughed and cried through every page.” —Heather “I love reading a book that makes you literally laugh out loud!!” —Jennine
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10. You will gain a friend, mentor, and sister in Christ—me. “Because Becky makes motherhood so relatable, I’m 100% more likely to learn and apply her solutions in the book. I love it!” –Jennine “Becky has a wonderful way of making cranky moms feel validated in their situations but challenges us to think and react differently. Take the challenge!” —Debra
    Instagram post 2069202990384179140_2005360423 "Discipline is a necessary part of parenting. How we deliver it makes all the difference." - Becky Kopitzke, The Cranky Mom Fix
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Learn more about The Cranky Mom Fix ➡️ crankymomfix.com
    Instagram post 2068762780588462009_2005360423 These girls. They've taught me so much about how to love and be loved. ❤️❤️❤️
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So grateful to my husband as well for his unwavering support of my writing ministry. It's not always easy having a wife/mom who's writing a book amongst all the other tasks of daily life, and this crew rocked it!
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