“I don’t know why I even bother.” I swept my tired eyes across our living room crime scene and felt my lungs deflate.
Cushions were yanked off the sofa and stacked on the carpet for a makeshift fort. Dozens of books, pulled from their shelf three rooms down the hall, lined the window seat. A pink nylon princess tent wobbled in the middle of the floor, where board game pieces were placed meticulously on kitchen plates—the good plates—for a stuffed animal tea party.
That morning I’d spent two good hours cleaning the house. Now half a day later it was trashed again.
My husband sidled up to me. “Because, honey, if you didn’t bother, we’d have even bigger piles of junk everywhere.”
So what you’re saying is—all my efforts are nothing more than damage control.
Great.
But let’s look at it this way. What if I applied the same exasperated view to my other responsibilities? Like cooking, for instance. I can spend an hour preparing a meal that takes less than ten minutes for my family to devour. There might be no food left to show for my efforts, but it’s nonsense to say “Why do I even bother?” because the point was for the meal to be eaten. It wasn’t supposed to last.
Maybe I ought to look at my home that way, too.
Cleaning is helpful. But it’s not supposed to last. Because just like meals aren’t made to look at but rather to consume, a house is not made to admire but to live in.
Think about it. If that’s the case, then perhaps the bigger mess my family makes, the better I’ve done my job—creating an environment where they feel free to live, to be themselves, to explore and imagine, to laugh and to play. Hey, isn’t that the kind of house you want to live in?
Oh. But, you’re not. Because you’re spending all your time picking up after everybody.
They’re having all the fun.
It’s time we moms start having some, too.
So I propose a new attitude toward housecleaning. Yes, it must be done. But consider it always temporary. Scrub the toilet then let it go. Whatever happens to the lid and the bowl between now and the next scheduled cleaning is not your concern.
Because you refuse to love a clean house more than the people who live in it.
Amen?
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:38 – 42).
Blessings,
Becky
“Cleaning is helpful. But it’s not supposed to last. Because just like meals aren’t made to look at but rather to consume, a house is not made to admire but to live in.”
Love this attitude, Becky. I do love a clean house, but I love more the people who live here and mess it up. 🙂 Relationships are forever.
So true, Lisa! “Friendliness above cleanliness” – that’s my motto. I need to remind myself often. 🙂
I loved this post! And I love your motto! You’ve so encouraged me this morning! I recently realized I was discouraging my daughter by being frustrated with the “mess” of toys that she pulls out and arranges to completely cover the coffee table every day. She’s learning, she’s growing, she’s living, and she’s sharing it with me. I need to see it with different eyes. What a blessing this long-awaited and long-hoped for child is, and how her laughter and joy infuses our home.
And I love what you said about moms having fun, too. My husband recently pointed out that at home, I have such a hard time relaxing and having fun (and am resentful because he doesn’t have a hard time relaxing! Ha!). Just — thanks for all of this today. My heart needed it.
Becky sis thanks so much for sharing this new perspective with me. Your blog is super encouraging and it ministers and teaches me so much as a new mom! I love to clean too and sometimes I have had that attitude like why bother, but now I will definitely transform my thought process to seeing the bigger picture of my family enjoying our home no matter if it’s squeaky clean or not. Thank You for letting God use your talents and abilities in your writing so that Jesus can shine through them to reach people like me to grow as a believer everyday. God bless you and your beautiful family!
Juzanne, your words minister to ME more than you know. Blessings, sister! Thank you so much for reading and sharing your encouraging thoughts!
I love that! Refuse to love a clean house more than the people in it.
A mother’s mantra! 🙂
Amen. 🙂
You should see my house right now. *giggle*
Becky, I remember the days when my boys were little and the messes that they left in their wake were large and instantaneous! I would get so discouraged when I focused on the negative. But like you’ve said so wisely here, the house is meant to be lived in and won’t remain spotless when we have littlin’s underfoot! I look forward now to the days when my boys will bring grandbabies to my picture perfect home and then I’ll have the perspective to revel in it, right??!! Sure hope so … cuz those grandbabies will be so cute! Thanks for all you do for young moms, my sweet friend!
Yes, the house never stays clean but it wouldn’t even if I didn’t have kids.
This is so encouraging to me. I do get discouraged sometimes because, with 4 kids ages 10 and under my efforts often don’t last more than minutes. Thank you for the fresh perspective. 🙂
I loved this! I’ll share it with my readers. I get so deflated when I look at how things look at one point as compared to earlier in the day. “I promise I had this clean because I had to vacuum! It was all picked up!” But now there are colors, and toys and dress-up clothes everywhere. But it’s okay.
I enjoyed the Mary and Martha reference, too. I just bought “How to have a Mary heart in a Martha world.” Now I just need to make time to read it … 😉
This is a very true post and one thing a lot of moms get sucked into…the mess. I always think of that saying, “I have a messy house but happy kids”. Playing with them and having family time is number one. God gave you this amazing family to experience not clean up after! Well, that too but after they have gone to sleep 🙂
So true, Kristin! Pick up comes after bedtime… until they’re old enough to do some of it themselves. 🙂
Beautifully written!!! Our house is by no means perfect, but we have basic strict standards of food not being left out and crumbs being vacuumed and swept fairly immediately. Dirty clothes go in the hamper. Dirty dishes go in the sink. Toilets get flushed and hands are washed after we use the bathroom. That’s about it! Everything is more guidelines and most of the time it looks like a hurricane went through the house:-) I try very hard to focus on teaching my children responsibility and respect for our things rather than having a spotless house. We put our shoes away so we can have them when we go outside. We put our toys away so no body trips and gets hurt and so toys don’t get broken when stepped on. Etc…etc… Every now and then I get frustrated when the things I’ve just cleaned get messy, but I try to focus on teaching, growing, and encouraging my kids rather than focusing on my house being clean. Thanks for sharing!!!
Also, I REALLY need to get one of those posters that says “please excuse the mess, our family is making memories.” Love it!
Oh! A clean house is NOT supposed to last? That explains so much!!! Love this perspective, Becky! I did the 2-hour marathon clean-up the other day, and had to remind myself of this later that night. 🙂