“Please, Mom? Pleeeease?”
My daughter pleaded as she climbed into her car seat. Since buying our minivan, I’d come to appreciate all its amenities but one—the built-in DVD player. This thing was a thorn in my seatbelt, an object of constant battle with my children. Every time we boarded the van, they asked to watch a movie. And every time I replied, no. Because good parents don’t let their children watch television in the car.
My Perfect Parent Handbook has lots of rules like that.
Good parents don’t buy sugary cereal.
Good parents don’t let their children wear pajamas to the playground.
Good parents have a system for rotating toys.
Good parents tame cowlicks before Sunday school.
Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes whining erodes my resistance. Sometimes I just want to see my children’s faces light up. So I rebel and do crazy things like toss a box of Cocoa Puffs in my shopping cart. But then guilt buzzes in both ears—good parents don’t do that.
You must be a bad mom.
Isn’t it sad? I’ve become a slave to my own rules.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).
When I found the Lord nine years ago, I embraced the simplicity of his gospel. God’s favor cannot be earned; it is freely given. Grace takes charge, so that the Christian life is not so much a series of do’s and don’ts, but rather a gift to unwrap and enjoy.
Parenting falls under the umbrella of the Christian life, does it not? Why, then, do I build superfluous rules around it, as though motherhood is exempt from God’s grace?
Yikes. If any part of me is in most desperate need of grace, it’s my parenting skills.
“Mom, why can’t we watch a movie? Just this one time, please?” My daughter’s begging persisted, and circumstances caved in around me. The hubby man was gone hunting. It was my second day of mommy overtime, and the girls were full of energy I couldn’t match. We had a 20-minute drive ahead of us. I just needed a little break.
What the heck.
I flipped on the DVD player and let the video roll. Greg, Anthony, Murray and Jeff waved hello to my girls from the 10-inch suspended screen—yes, a Wiggles movie, Santa’s Rockin’, no less—in April! Imagine what my Perfect Parent Handbook says about that.
But then something amazing happened. My daughters settled tranquilly into their cushions. Whining and bickering ceased. There was no tension. Just smiles. Giggles. And singing. “This little baby is born again, been reborn in the hearts of men. Every Christmas, this child is born again. . . .”
My guilt was silent.
Unfamiliar peace washed over me.
God’s grace filled the van.
That day, I discovered my rules don’t make me a good parent. Perhaps, knowing when to bend them does. As I wheeled into our destination parking lot and my daughters hopped out of their seats happier than they’d been all morning, God spoke to my heart.
I never called you a bad mom.
Huh. Only the Lord could use a Wiggles video to teach me something lasting. Tomorrow, I just might take my girls on a picnic to the playground—in their pajamas, with Cocoa Puffs.
Blessings,
Becky
Why is it we don’t want a legalistic relationship with our God, yet sometimes as parents we create just that kind of relationship?
There’s a whole lot of freedom there at the playground with the girls in their pj’s with cocoa puffs. 🙂
How convicting your words: I never called you a bad mom.
Thanks for the message this morning!
How awesome! This is one of the best posts I have ever read. I love it, and can relate so much.
Thank you, Ashley! What kind encouragement. I hope you and your little ones are enjoying His grace today!
Such good stuff! I especially loved, “my rules don’t make me a good parent. Perhaps, knowing when to bend them does.” I am so guilty of making up standards for myself as to what makes me a “good mom” and rarely stop and realize that those are not God’s standards!
I agree with Ashley – this is an incredible post. I love the ways God speaks to us {even if it has to be through the Wiggles}. Thanks for sharing!
I completely agree! I think what makes a “good parent” more than knowing and following all the rules, is to practice grace as well…love the above comment about being legalistic in our parenting, so true!
Blessings to you and your little ones!
PS–would love it if you would accept name/url sign-in…I do have an old wordpress account I can use, but I know a lot of people do not have any of these accounts, but would love to leave an encouraging word for you 🙂
Thank you, Crystal! I just made the adjustment in my comments settings. I appreciate your thoughts! Blessings to you today!
LOVED and desperately need to hear this today! I think we have the same version of that parenting handbook. 😉 My favorite thing you said was “Parenting falls under the umbrella of the Christian life, does it not? Why, then, do I build superfluous rules around it, as though motherhood is exempt from God’s grace?” Why do we do that? We know we need God to step in and take over in every other area of our lives. Why do we expect to be able to do something as monumentous as parenting without His assistance?
You are speaking my language, Alana. I often try to sit on my own parenting throne. Isn’t that crazy? Because in truth, nothing has shown me my desperate need for God more than parenting. Let’s you and I toss those parenting handbooks out the window. 🙂
I really love this… truly. I love the story you tell, and how God uses something so “human” to speak to us. I think I compartmentalize God sometimes, and think “surely He wouldn’t be in a Wiggles movie”. But when we allow God’s Spirit to permeate every area of our life, there is no where He is not — and He is always ready to offer grace.
This is just beautiful and full of wisdom.
Thanks…
Thank you for your thoughtful message, Michele. I think I do that, too – separate the secular from the spiritual as though God is not still sovereign over all. There is nowhere He is not – I love that. Great thoughts.
Cocoa Puffs for all!!
It’s amazing how the Lord can speak to us through the most unlikely things. I love the idea that being a good parent is knowing when to bend the rules. Thanks, Becky!
Lucky Charms apply, too, don’t you think? 🙂
Isn’t is so crazy how the gospel has set us free, yet we somehow still create our own crazy rules to live by? As if we could ever set a higher standard than God’s, and yet God’s comes with unlimited grace!!
Thank you for a very inspirational post… as my kids are running around in their underwear, eating cupcakes for their breakfast snack!
Oh my goodness, that sounds like my house, too!
Just discovered your blog through a Women Living Well post. I’ve bookmarked you as one of my favorites. What a refreshing blog! What a blessing!
Welcome! Thank you for reading!
Bravo! Bravo!! For listening to the Lord’s voice–the voice that says, “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” and “My grace is sufficient for you,” and ESPECIALLY the one that said, “I never said you were a bad parent.” That was Him, all right!!!
Love this post.
Thank you, Richella! I love those verses…and I love to see you visiting here!
A good post for me to read….Perfect parenting went out the window the other day while feeding J choc cookies at lunch time through the store….hey, we were both happier…and God has blessed me to be able to be w/him all day!!!
Blessings, M
This is really sweet and profound at the same time. Such a great illustration for God to use, wasn’t it? Thanks for sharing this…it applies to so many areas of our lives. Gail (BibleLoveNotes.com)