Last week somebody asked me to describe what it means to feel inadequate as a mom.
Somebody, I should add, who does not have children.
I didn’t know what to say.
It wasn’t an awkward question, considering it came in context of shooting a testimonial video for church. Inadequacy is what I live and breathe—this imperfect mommy existence, the one I wrestle with and fight for, love and lament, the life around which I’ve built a ministry and a fire in my gut.
But how could I explain all of that to someone who hasn’t lived it or walked closely alongside it, and therefore couldn’t possibly understand?
Truth is, I’m not so sure I understand it myself.
How do I describe how my heart aches just to gaze at two beautiful faces, a reflection of God’s image with their mother’s nose and Daddy’s chin, and wonder if I’m giving too much attention to my to-do list and not enough to their chatter and their questions and their silly made-up songs.
Or those moments when impatience bubbles up my chest and spews out my mouth in harsh words. How on my worst days I think they’d be better off with a mom who doesn’t yell.
Or the hours I just want to shove cotton in my ears and curl on the sofa with a novel instead of peeling oranges on demand and breaking up sibling fights. Is it terrible to confess that sometimes I just wish the noise would stop?
When repeat commands to brush your teeth now go unceremoniously ignored and my voice has no strength or authority. Then all it takes is one word from Dad and everybody’s lining up at the sink like soldiers. What the heck?
Inadequacy? Really? Doesn’t it start from the moment a child slips into this world, rooting for a milk supply that never comes, staring unfocused at a post-partum crazy woman who can’t stop the tears from leaking down her cheeks. A child whose desperate mother orders any expert baby book off Amazon that claims a no-fail method for shushing, soothing, feeding and sleeping.
Did I really want to divulge how often I cried on the sofa with a wide-eyed child in my arms, blaming myself for my own fatigue? Or the panic that gripped me while standing at the bay window waving bye-bye to Dad, swallowing butterflies down my throat, wondering how oh how was I going to do this alone.
Yes, I survived the endless, isolating routine of diapers, potty stops, crust cutting and boo-boo kissing. I battled the guilt of rolling Play-Doh, sliding down Chutes and Ladders, reading Brown Bear for the sixteenth time and not enjoying it as much as I thought a good mom should.
Then one day my firstborn grew into a lanky school girl learning to eat lunch away from home, learning to respond with grace when a friend insults her hair or her glasses. A whole new era of parenting envelops me now, and the best I can do is equip my dear ones with Bible verses about courage and kindness when really I just want to sit in the shrimpy desk beside my child and absorb every shock, deflect every cruelty, hug away every insecurity and heartache.
I can’t.
That’s inadequacy.
And you know what?
It’s not a bad thing.
Because a sense of limitation, of lacking, only reminds me that I can’t do this alone. I need God—to teach me, hold me, empower me, fill me, and to care for my children in ways I cannot.
After all, these little people are not just mine. They’re his. They’re on loan to me. God himself has assigned me the privilege of raising them.
He always knew I’d need his help.
Why should I expect otherwise?
“For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him,” (Philippians 2:13, NLT).
Isn’t that good news? When God gives us a job to do, he will also give us the tools to see it through. I’m still learning how to wield mine most days—peace, patience, kindness, self-control. And even though I had a hard time explaining all of that to my child-clueless video friend, I find comfort in knowing God needs no explanation.
My Heavenly Father understands me.
He understands you.
He knows our children, their every thought and need.
So where we run short, he overflows.
That’s the beauty of being inadequate.
Blessings,
Becky
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“Where we run short, he overflows.” Yes, that’s the key, isn’t it? Visiting from Laura’s place.
Thanks for visiting, Kelly!
Inadequate for a purpose!
I’ll be passing this along to all the moms I know, because I am quite sure each and every one of them misunderstands why they seem to “fail” day in and day out, in some way. Myself included.
Why do we understand that we learn to lean on God better during times of hardship and struggle … but NOT apply that to parenting as readily?
I have two teenagers, now. One just entered the realm of odd behavior and self-centeredness that beats the toddler years all to pieces. The other has evened out a bit, but is waiting in line for common sense and tact. I pray over them every morning as they wait for the school bus, and I feel connected … as they leave! What I need is that sense of connectedness when they come home, spent and harried from dealing with everyone else’s issues and expectations for 7 hours.
I feel more adequate with prayer and praise banners leading me, but allow that fearful feeling of “what’ll I do?” take the lead, instead.
Thanks for the reminder!
Leading with prayer and not fear… that’s the heart of it, isn’t it, Amy? Thanks so much for your thoughts. Blessings to you and your teenage household! We moms have so much in common regardless of the age of our kids. It helps me to get your perspective.
Oh I just LOVE meeting new friends!! This devotional is gorgeous and TRUE. God fills in our gaps and He covers our holes in parenting and in life really. Oh, how grateful I am that we have such a loving and merciful GOD!
I’m so grateful, too, Chris. Thanks so much for connecting with me here!
Just beautiful, Becky! As always. Thank you so much for your inspiration.
Thank you for stopping by and taking time to visit, Kendra! It’s always good to “see” you!
“So where we run short, he overflows.” – I love this and I depend on this truth, every second of my day!! And boy, am I grateful to have this technology that enable us to gather together like this in His name!! XO
Amen, Carmen. Technology can be harnessed for good! 🙂
So beautifully put. I think that feeling helps us see that we do need help and it also keeps us striving to improve.
The day I stop needing help is the day I meet Jesus face to face. 🙂
Inadequacy? Oh, yes! That’s exactly where I feel my need for Christ to be strong in my weakness, Becky. You’ve answered so perfectly and truthfully to this woman’s question. Thanks for sharing so vulnerably and challenging the rest of us to rest our weaknesses at Jesus’ feet! Hugs to you!
Hugs back, my friend! Happy Easter!
Amen! I am weak but He is strong. So thankful for a God who knew what I would need!
Grateful, yes! Me, too, Sarah!
Just wanted to say thank you, this was just what I needed. Inadequacy is my life right now and I was about done this morning (huge screaming fit was on its way) and I decided to sit down with a coffee and my Bible…try to calm myself down….with two small boys climbing all over me it wasn’t working…then I remembered your blog and that I hadn’t read it for a while…
God used you this morning to encourage a young mom at the end of her rope and give her strength to face the rest of the day so…thank you.
Shelley… you are not alone. I’m often hanging with you at the end of that rope. Hugs from one hectic household to another.
The Lord is really good. He used your blog and a not so busy because Im in desperate of word from Him.
Im a working away from home mom of 2 kids (age 2 and 1) and everyday is just a step away from being with them when they eat, drink, bathe, sleep etc.
At times, i feel inadequate, lack of ability, incapacitated of being a mom. See how devil try to steal,kill and destroy a peace within. And I repent for giving in such a times.
Yes as much as we love our kids how much more our Father in heaven.
This is where my patience is tested whenever i got compulsive to decide to be with my kids, but the Lord never give up on me. He use moms, articles, devotions to reassure me that He knows the cry of my heart.
Thank you Becky for your bold experiences.
Blessings
I really needed to read this today when I was sobbing over my crying 6 month old, who refused to fall asleep, wondering if I was a bad mom for not being able to help her sleep and yet she sleeps for everyone else. Satan loves telling me I’m a bad mom. Thank you for writing this I feel very encouraged 🙂
Kelsey, you are not alone. And you’re NOT a bad mom. Blessings to you and your family today!
Beautiful! You are very inspirational! The sentence about a whole new type of parenting when a child goes to school really hit me as that is what I have dealt with as Jani has gone to kindergarten. The idea of equipping her with Bible verses I love. Do you have a favorite few you use?
Hi, Judith! Definitely, a couple of the verses that have really impacted my kids in tangible ways are: Joshua 1:9, “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (That one worked wonders for my firstborn when she went to kindergarten.) Also, “A friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17) is a great one for teaching how to treat other kids. It’s great to hear from you!
Beautiful! Thank you:) I love your message , I hope I can encourage women in the same way over on my blog:)
You already do! 😉
I’m a bit late to the party, Becky. But I wanted to tell you your words here brought a smile to my heart and tears to my eyes. Cleansing and invigorating tears. I stumbled on your blog by accident, and I’m so glad I did. Will be signing up now.
Welcome, Kristyn! I’m so glad this post encouraged you. I look forward to sharing more mom-to-mom encouragement with you in the weeks and months to come!
You said it perfectly! How often I have suffered mommy guilt and felt inadequate. But this was beautifully said, thank you for sharing!
Thank you for reading!