Becky Kopitzke

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Confessions of a Hunter’s Wife

November 14, 2011

In last week’s devotion, I talked about shifting our default from complaining to appreciating. This time of year affords me no shortage of opportunities to practice this new philosophy. Can you guess why?

Yes, ladies, it’s hunting season.

And I hate it.

Granted, I’ve been a little clingy due to recent sad events, and I have half a mind to super-glue my husband’s toes to the floor to ensure he will always be with me. Yet my left brain knows I must release him to the world under God’s sovereign control.

But for hunting? Really, Lord?

Let’s be brutally honest. While my husband is off to the deep woods communing with nature, I’m stuck at home on mommy overtime. These little people want their Cheerios now even though I barely catch a spare moment to peel myself a banana in two days.

Don’t get me wrong—I love my daughters to the core of my soul. It’s an enormous blessing to be home with them. I just breathe a lot easier when “home” is defined as the happy place where two parents are on hand to share the load.

Hunting is my husband’s passion. I support his love of the great outdoors, I truly do. Tree stand retreats fill his spiritual tank.

But there’s no getting around the fact that his absence is hard on me. It’s hard on the kids, too, who are growing old enough to miss Daddy when he’s gone—and to take out their frustration on their mother.

That is why, when my husband stands in the kitchen with his camouflage backpack and turns to hug me goodbye, I walk a fine line between rushing to return his embrace and dodging out the door to set his truck on fire.

But hold on a second. Is this about me? God says no.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others,” (Philippians 2:3–4).

Why do I complain about hunting? Because my husband gets time away, and I don’t. Because the kids drain me while he’s napping at the cabin. Because he misses me when he’s gone but not quite enough to skip the rut.

I, I, I, me, me, me. Yet God says, consider others better than yourself. Look also to the interests of others. Who are these “others” if not the people we love best?

Jesus did it for me. The day he dragged my backbreaking cross to Calvary, I’ll bet he was not thinking, this just isn’t fair. He understood selfless love in a way I never will, at least not on this side of heaven’s gate.

Maybe hunting isn’t your trigger. Maybe your husband is into sports, cars, computers, guitars, whatever. If the pursuit infringes on family time, even the holiest wife can trip toward resentment.

That’s when I give it to God. He knows exactly where my husband is, and it’s possible the man is closer to God on those hunting trips than when he’s sharing the chaos of my household. This is a hard concession to make, and it’s one I’ve had to remind myself to make repeatedly—every hunting season, every time Daddy drives away, every long hour when I’m on my own. But it’s what God asks of me, and it’s for my own good.

Ephesians 5:33 tells us, “Each of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” If I expect my husband to treat me as his cherished lady, wholly loved and valued, then I ought to respect him as a man.

For some, like my beloved, manhood involves an innate desire to hunt, to conquer, to provide. It’s a healthy, God-given thing. I shouldn’t squash it, criticize it, or dread it.

What if, instead, I actually praised the Lord for creating my husband this way? What if I prayed for God to speak to my husband in the woods—to grow him, equip him, and affirm him? Imagine how that could change my own heart.

In a few weeks, my mighty hunter will hang up his bow for another year. I’ll have organic steaks in the freezer and a co-captain for my children—halleluiah! But do you know what else I’m looking forward to? My turn. I’m thinking frothy mocha lattes and a chick flick. Ladies’ night out, anyone?

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Filed Under: Love Is..., Marriage, Parenting, Raising Young Kids, Wife Mess-ups

Comments

  1. kellybean says

    November 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Thank you so much for this post Becky!! I’ve had a really hard time with hunting season this year even though I know it’s basically the only thing Ryan does for himself. I’m always telling him that he needs to get away to fill up his tank. I guess it’s about time I accepted the fact that hunting is what fills his tank!

  2. jeanne @ Inspiring Ideas says

    November 14, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Good perspective, Becky!! I don’t have a hunter in the house, but when my hubby is gone, like just recently for a week on business, I plan special fun activities with the kids. To make the time go faster, get out of our routine and enjoy a special closeness: Make a playdate with one of your friends so YOU get to visit a little. Take a picnic to a playground on the other side of town. Do baths and jammies early and have a popcorn and movie night. Simple things but they help us not miss daddy as much. 🙂

  3. Amber Unger says

    November 15, 2011 at 12:35 am

    I remember being around your wonderful home during hunting season. And now I am a wife of a hunter! How funny. I missed Joe terribly last year…I am sure I will miss him even more this year. Oh well, he enjoys it and gets to spend “guy time” with my dad and brother, which is nice. I suppose I will sip some tea and catch up on some reading for a few nights. 🙂

  4. MPW says

    November 15, 2011 at 12:42 am

    Ahhh, although I am not married yet, I am thinking ahead to that special season )whenever) it arrives. My special man is a basketball guru. He loves the game and will faithfully hijack any opportunity to play (yes, even at his age), coach or teach basketball. Although we are long distance I hear enough about his days to wonder where basketball season will leave me. But the message you’ve shared here is so true. I have heard him share many examples of how the Spirit of the Lord speaks to him through this game. I guess I better start now with learning how not to complain, huh? 🙂

  5. Aaron & Sarah Berken says

    November 15, 2011 at 4:21 am

    You are so right on with this post (as you are with all of your entries, Becky!)!! I laughed out loud as I envisioned your fictional “run out to start the truck on fire” farewell:) For me, often times it’s the anticipation of the absence that proves to be worse than the actual days, themselves. Thanks again for sharing your wonderful writing gift and helping to always take it back to the Lord!!

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Meet Becky.

If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

We need each other. I'm so glad you're here.

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