I have a terrible habit of talking over people.
If I’ve done this to you, I apologize.
I don’t mean to be rude. I just get so excited about what you’re saying that my brain hurls thoughts at my mouth until they shoot out like projectile vomit. Then halfway through my first sentence I realize you’re still talking—louder.
At that point a smart girl would shut her trap, but somehow I continue spewing until we’re in a shouting match.
I’m sorry, were you saying something?
This little interrupting problem of mine first came to light when I read The Friendships of Women by Dee Brestin. She claimed good listeners are rare, and of course I agreed. I mean, really, think of how many self-absorbed people you know who are always talking about themselves and never stopping to breathe or to ask how you’re doing for a change. Sheesh.
But then the book suggested that good listening skills might be one of the first things other people notice in a genuine believer.
Ouch.
I’m a genuine believer. I am. But do people see it when they talk to me? Or do I come across as—{gasp!}—one of those self-absorbed blabbers?
“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame,” (Proverbs 18:13).
Taming our tongues involves more than choosing the right words and tone of voice. It also means knowing when to clamp that tongue altogether and switch the action to our ears. God tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19), so even if we spout the most profound, encouraging, heartfelt words but deliver them at the wrong time, they can just translate as insensitive.
Why? Because good listening is one of the simplest displays of love we can offer another person. Selfless, compassionate, wide open ears say, “I care about you, and your thoughts matter to me.”
God does it for us.
“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry,” (Psalm 34:15).
I sure am grateful God listens to me. Aren’t you? So the least we can do is pay it forward to other people. After all, God loves them as much as he loves you and me. They are worthy of our attention.
Now, about my annoying interjections. Next time you tell me about your prayer journal, or your brownie recipe, or your opinions on chapter five of that book we’re both reading, I promise not to jump in with my own stories or perspectives until you’ve finished your thought. Better yet, I’ll mute that input a while longer and instead ask questions that lead to more talking on your end and more listening on mine. What a concept!
Hey, I need the practice, friends. Call me—I can hardly wait to get started.
Blessings,
Becky
I relate to everything you’ve said and love your conclusions. Thanks for sharing! I definitely need to allow God to work on my mouth on multiple ways but working on my ears seems like a good place to start!
Megan
Agreed, Megan! Listening just might be the key to taming the tongue. 🙂
I’ve always been proud of my listening skills…but that was when I was younger. I know in more recent years I am so desperate to not be forgotten (as happened to me a lot in my youth) that I tend to speak out, and over others. I need to be more aware of it.
It’s something many of us need to me aware of, I think, Sarah. Imagine if what people remember about you is that you are a great listener. You’d have no worries of being forgotten. 🙂 Blessings!
Love this! Of course, next to my love for the topic of forgiveness is listening–active, deep-sea-diving listening. Since I tend to lean toward the introvert side, I think this skill is easier for me. I also think as a counselor and coach, I’ve refined the skill. But when it comes to really listening to my husband in an emotional moment–well, all those skills and leanings go out the window! Thanks so much for your humor, your vulnerability and humbleness, Becky. I always feel refreshed when I visit your place! I tell ya, girl, one of these days I really think you’re going to hit it big! And when you do, don’t forget little ol’ Messy Marriage “me.” I could be your personal assistant who’s really good at listening!!
Oh, Beth, you keep me humble! Your encouragement here brings a smile to my face every week. I’m so glad we’ve “met” through this common blogging adventure.
One thing that has helped me to be a better listener is realizing that sometimes if I jump in too quickly, I miss the point and end up looking silly. A few too many times of that and I’ve learned to wait!
Ah, good point. I try to avoid looking silly if I can. It doesn’t always work. 🙂
That sounds like a book I’m gonna have to read. I interupt too. Its a horrible quality but its not because I don’t care. Like you I’m just moving too fast or getting over excited.
We’re just overenthusiastic, right, Adrienne? 😉 Still, I should be as eager to listen as I am to reply. Thanks for reading!