Children need training and discipline. But you know what they need more?
Kindness.
A couple weeks ago, I took my eight-year-old daughter to the Secret Keeper Girl Crazy Hair Tour. It involved a whole lot of hairspray and glitter and preteen girls screaming at the top of their lungs—all things I otherwise try to avoid.
But this was special one-on-one time with my firstborn, and sitting in the auditorium with her, whispering in her ear, holding her hand, it was like God opened my eyes to see her in a new light. She is growing up and into her unique personality. She is lovely and confident and faithful. She loves Jesus. She loves her mom.
And I wonder what I’ve done to deserve that.
Because up until that evening, I realized, I’d gotten into the habit of doing life with my kids, but not actually breathing life into them. And my older daughter gets the added pressure of being, well, older—so really isn’t it high time she figures out how to pick up her paper scraps and put her shoes where they belong. Most days I follow her around the house barking and jabbing like a cattle prod.
Don’t leave those books there. I just cleared the table.
Please stop cracking your knuckles, it’s a terrible habit.
Do your homework—then practice piano then study your verses then help your sister in the shower and NO, there’s no time left for making bracelets before bed. Can’t you see we’re on a schedule here?
Then by the end of a long day, I’ve done nothing but poke my precious girl in the back with commands, corrections, criticism and complaints.
I have treated her as a creature to be tamed rather than a tender soul to be nurtured.
And my heart aches.
“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young,” (Isaiah 40:11).
Jesus is the Good Shepherd. He gently leads us, the parents, and he carries our children close to his heart. He doesn’t poke or prod, bark or bite. He guides us with kindness, patience and affection.
Shouldn’t our kids deserve the same from us?
Last week, I chose one day to lay off my kids entirely. No barking, no commanding. No mindless correcting. I just let them be who they are, without their mother’s constant input. And you know what? They were a joy to be around. We laughed more. We hugged longer. And the house did not fall apart, can you believe that?
I’ll tell you what did fall apart.
The tension in my shoulders. The sighs in my lungs. The frustration in my voice—it all dissipated and blew away.
Because it turns out nurturing is a lot more enjoyable than taming. And all it took was this one simple shift in perspective.
I am a shepherd, not a cattle prod.
And so are you.
Blessings,
Becky
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Love this perspective! Catchy title and insightful words. An enjoyable morning reminder not to be defined in your daily routine by correcting the actions of others. 🙂
Amen, Katie! 🙂 Thanks for reading!
Becky,
Thank you very much for this wonderful post. It was exactly what I needed (and I should have read it first thing this morning). It has been a day of barking orders at my almost two year old. It is not beneficial for either of us. After her nap this afternoon, I’m going to be more deliberate to guide with kindness, patience, and affection. Your posts are always a wonderful encouragement.
Blessings!
Tynea
Tynea, you have made my day. Just knowing that this devotion has spurred you to make a difference in your daughter’s afternoon… that blesses me more than I can say. Praise God! Enjoy your little girl today! I’ll try to do the same with mine. 🙂
What a great word, Becky!
I’ll look forward to sharing this one this week!
Hope you have a blessed week and enjoy your children much this week!
Melanie
Great post! It caught my eye on Pinterest. 🙂 Thank you for the encouragement.
Thank you for reading, Kristi!
Oh Becky, how I love this post! Over the last couple months I have been trying to rein in the part of me that wants to “bark orders” at my kids. One day in particular my poor girl was the target of one gripe after another. As I listened to my words and saw my daughter’s expression and body language, it stopped me in my tracks. “How could I speak to my precious little girl that way?” I decided then and there to take a different approach. If she needed reminding about something, I’d gently speak to her and ask about it instead of the old, “How many times have I told you to…”. And I began to see notable changes in her overall demeanor. She was less and less withdrawn. She began asking to spend time with me just to talk about anything or nothing. She started giving longer hugs and wanting to cuddle on the couch while reading.
And that was just with my (13 yr. old) daughter. I’ve experienced such amazing changes with my son (11 yrs. old) as well. He is more jovial, his sense of humor emerges more every day, he is insanely courteous and helpful (praise the Lord!), and his old angry fits are all but gone!
Oh man is the effort worth it! Now that I’m not trampling them, but instead “shepherding” them, they are blossoming. And I am blessed to tears.
Yes, I still slip back into my old ways at times (especially when I’m tired or stressed), but I feel the Holy Spirit pointing it out to me, and I always go apologize. I am never afraid to apologize to my kids. I feel it imparts so many lessons.
I’m not perfect, so I don’t expect them to be.
I’m humble enough to admit when I’m wrong and willing to ask for forgiveness.
I ask them to pray with me to be better, so (hopefully) they are learning to turn to God for their needs as well.
I like what you said at the end about your frustration and tension dissipating and blowing away. I have experienced that as well and it has mellowed me out so much. I feel like a much better version of myself! It is wonderful knowing where the source of my help comes from…I couldn’t do any of it without Jesus!
Keep up the amazing posts, dear friend!
Blessings, Michelle
What a beautiful testimony, Michelle! Our actions really do make a huge difference. I’m so glad God showed you how to reach your kids through gentleness. Praise Him!
I needed this today. I have four daughters and most days I prod not nuture. But I know God can help me and does daily. It also helps to read that I am not alone in this journey of motherhood. Thank you for your words of wisdom. I am forever grateful!
You are not alone, Paige! Hugs to you, sister!