Becky Kopitzke

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Am I Invisible Here or What?

November 17, 2014

Parenting can turn an ordinary lady into a super hero. And I’m not talking about Wonder Woman. Lately I’ve taken on a different kind of identity.

Invisible Mom.

Am I Invisible Here or What?

“Girls, wash up for dinner, please.” I lifted a steamy pot of pasta from the stove and nodded to my daughters. They sat at the kitchen table rubbing crayons onto coloring books. “Did you hear me? Wash up.”

Three minutes and half a chopped salad later, my girls still hadn’t budged.

“Girls! Put away the crayons and wash your hands for dinner.” I stepped out to toss a can into the garage recycling bin and returned to see my girls still nose-to-paper with their coloring books.

“What did I say?! It’s dinner time!”

Just then my sweet husband rounded the corner into the kitchen. “Can I help with anything, hon’?”

“Yes,” I turned toward him, my eyes crazy-wide. “You can tell these children to wash their hands.”

“Girls—go wash up.”

Immediately, they set down the crayons and slid off their chairs. “Okay, Daddy.” And off to the sink they marched.

What the heck?

Do you ever feel like your children can’t hear you? Like you could bark and plead and wave your arms, but still your mom voice travels at some odd frequency indecipherable to young ears. All my instructions to pick up your toys and put on your shoes squeak out like a pathetic dog whistle. Why don’t they listen? Why won’t they obey? What in the world am I doing here, anyway?

I’m invisible.

Nobody sees me as the boss.

And that means—I must be failing.

Right?

Wrong.

“Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies” (Romans 8:33).

Let’s not talk about discipline. Or a list of tips to get your kids to listen and behave, which (let’s face it) may or may not work depending on your child’s mood or yours. And I’m not even going to encourage you to be consistent and intentional as a mom.

Not today.

Those things are important, yes. We ought to take them seriously.

But that’s the problem. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. So much that we overestimate our influence.

Children, for all our molding and training and teaching, are still just people.

And people have free will.

Why should we be surprised when our kids use it?

Oh, sure, I get it. You want your kids to use their free will to obey you. Of course. So do I.

So does God.

Do you always listen when he tells you what to do? Darn, me neither. Yet that doesn’t make him a bad Father.

“The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. . . . As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him” (Psalm 103:8, 13).

Girls on sofa from BeckyKopitzke.com

There’s a deeper issue here. When your children ignore your commands, what do you see? What’s the big picture of your parenting? I see a household where I have no control. Where my kids think my instructions are optional. Where Mom is invisible, therefore I must be doing something wrong.

You, too?

Ah. Then you—and I—are the ones with the vision problem. Because we are choosing not to see.

What about the times when your kids do listen? When they hear you say I love you and you’re special and God made you smart. When they clutch your hand or hug your knees or reach for a goodbye kiss before school? What about those moments when the whole family makes a pajama run for ice cream or dances in the living room and you laugh together until your smile muscles ache? Or the tears you wipe from a tired child’s eyes, the prayers you plead over their bedsides, the hard conversations you enter willingly with your husband because you know that growing great kids means keeping the two of you strong first.

Don’t you see all that?

You are not invisible. You are doing the work, day in and day out. Your children see it. They feel it. They know it, whether they can wrap words around it or not. And it’s this kind of loving home you’ve created that makes them feel safe enough to test your patience in the first place.

So don’t allow a streak of behavior issues to taint your entire view of motherhood. It’s one piece of the puzzle. There are so many other pieces also deserving of your attention—and together they form a beautiful picture of your family life.

God sees it.

You are not invisible.

You are wonderful.

Wonderful Woman . . . now that’s a super hero identity I could get used to wearing.

Blessings,
Becky

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Filed Under: Identity, Parenting, Personal Growth & Faith, Raising Young Kids

Comments

  1. Janis Cox says

    November 17, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    Hi
    I am following you from Playdates with God. This is a beautiful post on motherhood. Would love you to share your thoughts on Sunday Stillness.
    Blessings,
    Janis

    • Becky says

      November 17, 2014 at 9:34 pm

      Thank you for reading, Janis!

  2. Andie says

    November 18, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    I really needed to hear this. Thank you!

    • Becky says

      November 18, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      I’m glad it encouraged you, Andie. 🙂

  3. Julia says

    November 19, 2014 at 6:42 am

    I can relate to that feeling like you are invisible. For me it’s when I tell my son to put his shoes on to go anywhere.

    • Becky says

      November 19, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      Darn, the shoes! Why is it always the shoes? 🙂 You are not alone, Julia!

  4. Kimberly says

    November 19, 2014 at 7:18 am

    I had a falling out with my faith a long time ago for various reasons but I understand and appreciate what you wrote here.
    Often times I feel the same way. I think a lot of us moms do. I love how you took scripture and tied it in with this. It puts a lot of perspective in how we parent.

    • Becky says

      November 19, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts, Kimberly. I’ve found that scripture puts most everything about parenting into perspective. I hope someday you can find your strength in it again, too. Blessings!

  5. Beth says

    November 19, 2014 at 9:10 am

    You are so far ahead of what I was at your age in deciphering these hidden truths, Becky. And I was nodding my head when you said, “it’s this kind of loving home you’ve created that makes them feel safe enough to test your patience in the first place.” My thoughts exactly, girlfriend … oh, and the fact that your voice is less threatening sounding as your macho man’s booming and deeper tone–and that’s just one of the many ways our men can out “authoritize” us! (Yep! I just made that word up and I’m sticking with it!) Hugs to you, from one invisible mom to the other!

    • Becky says

      November 19, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      Ah, I’ve never really considered that before, Beth – the dad voice vs. the mom voice. It makes perfect sense! I thought I was just tuned to that dog whistle EQ. 😉 Hugs!

  6. Ashley says

    November 19, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Thank you! Just what I needed!
    God Bless!
    Ashley

    • Becky says

      November 19, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      Blessings to you, Ashley!

  7. Shell says

    November 19, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    A great reminder to see it from a different perspective. I know that I’m more likely to talk about the times when my kids aren’t listening rather than all the times they do. And really, they ARE good kids, they just have their moments, just like all of us!

    • Becky says

      November 19, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      Just like all of us – so true, Shell!

  8. Rachel says

    November 21, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    I could not have read this at a better time. Thank you for opening my eyes to see what IS being heard by my kids. <3

    • Becky says

      November 22, 2014 at 7:39 am

      Blessings, Rachel!

Trackbacks

  1. Mom 2 Mom Monday Link-Up #9 - My Joy-Filled Life says:
    November 24, 2014 at 8:00 am

    […] Am I Invisible Here or What? from Time Out with Becky […]

  2. Here & There (March 18) | Susan L. Stevens says:
    March 18, 2015 at 9:18 am

    […] Am I Invisible Here or What?  –  Becky Kopitzke reminding us Moms that “You are not invisible. You are doing the work, day in and day out. Your children see it. They feel it. They know it, whether they can wrap words around it or not. And it’s this kind of loving home you’ve created that makes them feel safe enough to test your patience in the first place.” […]

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Meet Becky.

If you love your kids but you sometimes forget to feed them lunch, if you're crazy about your husband but some days you want to set his hunting gear on fire, and if you adore Jesus with your whole heart yet you mess up time and time again, then you and I are friends already.

We need each other. I'm so glad you're here.

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